God damnit. I just posted yesterday about not seeing quite as much ableism as usual...and now I've seen a bunch of allistic parents complaining about their autistic kids being "nightmares", "exhausting", etc at Christmas.

I wonder how many of those kids are being forced into

things they don't want to do and situations that are overloading and nonsensical to them. I wonder what it is about this time of increased arbitrary yet obligatory social rituals, social pressure, and ruined routine that could possibly make an autistic person a "nightmare".

I really want allistic folks to start recognising not just stuff like sensory needs, but also the fact that autistic people are kinda like a different culture, and we may have our own ways of celebrating Christmas that are different to yours, or may not want to celebrate it at

all, and that's fine. I know there are quite a few of us who like it, but prefer to celebrate it in their own (often less intense and less conventional) ways, and I know there are quite a few of us who just don't feel any cultural connection to it and can only ever perform

participation in it, not really feel it, and we'd prefer to not do the whole Christmas thing. Both of those options are fine and should be respected. We need to be free to construct our own culture and traditions, and those need to be as accepted as allistic ones.

Christmas, at least in the ways a lot of allistic people seem to experience and enjoy it, isn't as much a part of autistic culture. It's not that it doesn't exist here at all, but that it's not as massive a thing, and autistic people for whom it is a thing still tend to have

different experiences of and ideas about it. This is essentially a different culture, a different set of traditions and concepts and ideas about social interactions and how to celebrate things. And for some of us, holidays like Christmas, Halloween, birthdays, etc just aren't

a thing at all, and we'd really like to be able to treat those days like any other days, without having it all shoved in our faces constantly (businesses are definitely a major problem here).

But when we're forced into conventional allistic Christmas, into social rituals that

are even more intense and obligatory than all the usual ones and that are suddenly different to the usual ones, but that no-one has explained or justified, that's stressful and unnatural to us. When our routines are suddenly and massively disrupted and even people who usually

have some respect for them start prioritising Christmas over us being able to hold onto what's left of our routines, that's stressful and unnatural to us. When there's even more sensory overload going on than normal, because of all the extra lights and music and people around,

that's stressful and unnatural to us. When there's even more pressure than usual to be constantly cheerful, or at least to make your face constantly look like what other people perceive as cheerful, that's stressful and unnatural to us.

We are essentially having to interact with a culture that is fundamentally different to ours, in ways that may seem individually small but that add up to feeling very Other. We're forced to participate in cultural norms, expectations, and traditions that can be stressful and

unnatural to us because they're from a different culture to ours and that can clash with our medical needs as disabled people (e.g. the need to not be bombarded with flashing light all the time).

Ever think this whole thing might be a "nightmare" and "exhausting" to US?

One of the best and most respectful things you can do for autistic people is to let us live autistic lives, which includes making it easier for us to create and participate in a real autistic culture. At this time, that might mean celebrating Christmas (or other holidays)

differently or not celebrating anything. We can't have a totally regular day, because Christmas is so built into this culture that regular life stops around this time, shops close, most regular stuff isn't available (this needs to be recognised as a cultural thing that disrupts

the lives of people who don't participate in Christmas, btw; idk how to fix it but it needs to be acknowledged, at least). But you can choose to not force us into traditions that aren't ours, social norms and expectations that aren't part of autistic culture, sensory situations

that clash with autistic needs, and so on. Flashing lights, blaring music, suddenly altered routines, particular social rituals, specific kinds of emotional expression...these aren't part of autistic culture, and when we're forced into them, we're not being allowed to live our

lives as authentically and autistically as we should be able to. Recognise that every single day (but especially at times like Christmas, when society just...stops and we have nowhere else to go) we are expected to participate in and conform to allistic culture, to live our

lives by allistic rules and expectations, in allistic sensory situations, with allistic emotional expression and allistic social rituals and interactions. We are being denied our authentic individual lives and a true, freely expressed and equal autistic culture.

That is so much to deal with every day, and at Christmas it all becomes even more intense.

If autistic people you know are "acting out", are refusing to participate, etc, consider everything we're dealing with all the time. And consider whether they actually have full - or any -

access to autistic culture and autistic ways to spend this time of year. If they don't, can you actually blame them for having meltdowns, shutdowns, wanting to be alone, being frustrated, etc?