Spoke to my mentor & he shared this on choosing a wife:

1. You can't know her from movie/corner dates! If you can, go to her family and see how she lives with sibblings & parents. If you can't, pay attention to how she treats those who can do nothing for (or differ with) her.

2. Her past is not trivial (applies to women too)! Anyone who wants you to ignore their past, has not repented from it. When they have repented from it, they will be comfortable to share their journey which started from that past.

3. Looks are more important for a short term relationship, or if you are looking for "stocko" for fun. But character is more important than looks, if you are looking for a wife! She will make or break you! She will promote your growth/legacy or destroy you!

4. A lover is a giver! If she does not give or spend on you dearly within her means, she doesn't love you. She may love what you represent, the idea of having someone to spend on her or marry her in a beautiful ceremony, but that doesn't necessarily mean she loves you!

5. Faithful in the little = faithful in much (1): How does she manage her? Does she spend reasonably on fashion/beauty based on how much she earns? Does she care if you have investments (or if you family is fed) or she cares only about bae allowance, gifts & tourism trips?

6. Faithful in the little = faithful in much (2). Is she doing something tangible with her life? Even if you want a housewife, if she has never tried to create monetary value out of her skills in an ethical and respectable way, she won't be of much use in building your legacy!

Of course your financial muscle is important as a man. But provision is a shared responsibility in this economy for most of us who are not from the Gates family. The proverbs 31 woman, the "virtuous woman" was a provider!

7. Her family background matters! If she has not seen a functioning home with a father & mother doing their roles well, she may struggle building a solid home with you. This is not reason to write her off but something u should be aware of to know your needs for marriage to work.

On lobola there are 2 different families: Families who charge lobola to benefit themselves from you & families who charge lobola to benefit both of you. You need to know the difference! The former doesnt care how much you earn, & each time they contact you, they want money.

Whereas the former does not care how your wife to be will perform as a wife & will always cause division between you, the later will make it their responsibility to always check with their daughter on how she is treating you, offering her guidence to strengthen your marriage.