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CW: abuse, trauma, mental illness, suicide attempt
A while ago, I wrote about indicators of abuse and trauma in my chart. This is my personal experience. Placements only indicate potentials, which can manifest either negatively or positively depending on many factors.
A while ago, I wrote about indicators of abuse and trauma in my chart. This is my personal experience. Placements only indicate potentials, which can manifest either negatively or positively depending on many factors.
I've also been diagnosed by psychiatrists with the conditions that I mention in this thread. Lastly, I use the Placidus house system because to me it makes more sense that I have 12H Sun compared to 1H Sun (in WSH).
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. To put it simply, BPD is a condition caused by early childhood trauma that is severe enough to alter the way your brain is wired. I see the potential for BPD in my 12H placements.
4H and 10H are parents, and in my case my 10H Chiron is my father and my 4H Saturn is my mother.
The result of the manifestations of my 12H and 4H placements: despite having many planets conjunct Ascendant, I feel that I'm being held back by trauma from showing their traits. Usually, you'd expect people with 1H stellium to have a larger-than-life personality.
The theme of 1H—the self—is still very present in my life. But for me, it manifests as a journey to finding who I really am, before the world made me someone I'm not. This involves letting go of self-undoing, self-defeating beliefs (12H placements and 4H Saturn)
I'm not saying that astrology can be used to diagnose psychological conditions; I had my diagnoses long before I got into astrology. But you can use astrology to understand yourself better and know what you have to heal.
Additional interpretations on my 12H Sag Mercury https://twitter.com/astrologicatly/status/1342718210089525253
I can't believe I forgot about the significance of my chart ruler Jupiter here... I have Jupiter conjunct Moon and Ascendant, all of them square Saturn/IC conjunction by ≤2°. Your chart ruler can show what you have to do in life. Mine is to break free from the restrictions—
created by my upbringing (Saturn conjunct IC) to embrace my authentic self and feelings (Jupiter/Moon/Ascendant conjunction). Those restrictions, imposed so early in my life, are what hold me back from healing and finding myself.
Saturn (restrictions) in Pisces (lack of boundaries) conjunct IC (emotional foundation) isn't an easy placement. As I mentioned earlier, it points at a childhood where emotional boundaries are nonexistent. https://twitter.com/astrologicatly/status/1342705256224837632
My parents didn't respect my emotional boundaries, and I essentially had to be their "parent" and keep them content. This took a toll on my mental health. I couldn't get professional help until 4 years ago I tried committing suicide and was subsequently diagnosed with depression.
12H Sun conjunct Pluto and Saturn on IC together isn't an easy combination, to say the least. Lack of understanding of oneself (12H Sun) meets a demand to grow up too quickly (Saturn on IC). When I started developing symptoms of severe depressive disorder 9 years ago,
there's this overwhelming sense of despair. That I didn't know who I was because I always did what my parents wanted from me. That I wasn't a real human being, not my own self, but an arrangement of symptoms pre-programmed to just do whatever was expected of me.
tl;dr my natal chart spells a potential for a lifetime of existential crisis, of not being aware of my own identity and being forced to follow rules that prevent me from finding out who I really am before the world made me something I'm not.
But my chart also shows what I must heal and how I can do it. The very things in my chart that restrict me can be strength, if I know how to work with them.
I don't believe in determinism. Again, I believe that a chart only shows potential, and potential can manifest either positively or negatively. My Pisces Saturn also points at a compassionate understanding of other people's suffering, but I have to be disciplined and establish—
—the necessary emotional boundaries (Saturnian themes again) in order to not sacrifice myself in the process of helping other people. There is potential for both hurt and healing.
