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I have a lot of respect for trans lesbians who not just date cis women, but are open about topping, being Dominants, or generally making the first move.
That shit is really hard. It takes a LOT of work to thwart the voice in your head saying your desires are always a violation
That shit is really hard. It takes a LOT of work to thwart the voice in your head saying your desires are always a violation
I don’t think most transmisogyny exempt people realize how difficult that is. Our gender is treated as a sexual violation as is, so embodying and embracing an “aggressive” feminine erotic presence (esp outside of a T4T setting) is like walking a tightrope over a volcano
I’ve been out for 5+ years now, and I lean toward topping. Id say I’m pretty comfortable with my gender and who I became. But even still, let me tell you, I’m still not fully confident making the first move with cis girls and AFAB nb folks because of the high risk involved
I’m totally at the mercy of the other party there because of transmisogyny: If I say the wrong thing, or if I’m misinterpreted, it’s very easy for the trans woman in that dynamic to get utterly ripped apart.
It is far, far safer to be a passive partner as a result.
It is far, far safer to be a passive partner as a result.
Meanwhile some cis & AFAB NB lesbians rely on ambivalent, passive, or outright emotionally unavailable communication patterns due to their *own* trauma. Which can spark a chain reaction that leads us — as trans women — to draw our own conclusions. Mainly: disengage & ghost ASAP
The saving grace to all this heartache is that other trans feminine people are amazing at communication and very good at directly stating “I want you and your body.” T4T is beautifully direct and powerfully erotic in a way that rivals cruising in the 70s and 80s
I literally get whiplash sometimes because I’m so used to trans women directly telling each other what they want whereas with cis women it’s like playing Risk
In conclusion I politely but urgently ask queer cis women who date trans women to communicate directly and openly, and to generally be aware of the power discrepancy they hold over trans girls in any dating circumstance. Identifying that and understanding yr privilege is vital
I’m singling out cis women in particular bc AFAB lesbian trans folks are, in my personal experience, better at communicating and share empathy w/ us via T4T.
Granted, there’s still a power discrepancy due to trans feminine ppl experiencing transmisogyny
Granted, there’s still a power discrepancy due to trans feminine ppl experiencing transmisogyny
(Generally I find flirting with and dating nb AFAB lesbians easier for this reason alone. However, there are some overlapping issues that emerge due to the larger umbrella of TME privilege & experiences, but that’s a topic for another time.)
