This is a wonderful thread. I remember my ex-boyfriend having this whole introspective gender journey and then concluding that he did like being a man, but now was approaching that with the same sort of intent and thoughtfulness trans people use, and it made him a lot happier https://twitter.com/HTHRFLWRS/status/1342558548065214466

Another series of questions I'll tack onto HTHR's list is a thought exercise i used to give to questioning people at the trans youth group I ran

Go through the following series of questions replacing _________ with each common gender term

1. Am I a ____________(man/woman/non-binary/agender/dog/etc.)?
If no:
2. what about you makes you not a ____________
3. Is it really true that not any ___________ share those traits as well?

An example would be:
1. Am I a woman? No
2. I'm not a woman because I am too tall and my shoulders are too broad
3. Is it really true that there are no tall women? And no women have broad shoulders?

Repeat until you find a reason for it to be yes or no that makes sense to you

(usually the final answer for "no" is "because I don't want to be a woman" or "That identity doesn't feel right to me" or "I want to be something else")

If, to question 1, you get Yes! then, well, done I guess

If you get "I Guess?" or "Yes?" then ask yourself
2. Why am I a __________?
3. Is it really true, that being those things necessarily make you a __________?
4. Is it true that everyone who has those qualities is a ______?

Repeat these for each thing, even if you feel confident about one of them already, just as a fun thought exercise. It's not that there's a Correct Identity these questions will Logically Unearth but rather that the point of this is to shake you from internalized assumptions

It makes you confront that there's no particular reason you Have To Be any gender in particular except whichever one will make you happiest, that you want to present as, and gets you to consider what that might be.

I love all of heather's questions from the thread I QRT'd too.

I think the big question to me is just, regardless of anything else, is the point is to be happier, so, just experiment and see what makes you happier, worry about labels later

for my aforementioned ex-boyfriend, he did all sorts of contemplative exercises, thought about what way of being made him happiest, and concluded all of those traits, to him, comfortably aligned with what it means to be a man san toxic masculinity. so he chose to be a man

he also started thinking more about like, what kind of man he wanted to be, started to look to other queer men who were less gender conforming for inspiration, took better care of his hair and changed how he presented. it was like he was slowly transitioning from man to man

It was super interesting to watch as the Trans Partner, seeing essentially a cis person go through the same journey of becoming happier with himself and discovering gender euphoria.... from the gender he happened to be assigned at birth! it was neat!

So you know, cis people, think about your gender!!!!!! It'll make you happier!!