great news, it's time for cook along thread two. this time we're making pierogi. we're going to explore exciting questions like 'how many onions do you really need for this?' and 'do you have any idea how to make an appropriate amount of filling for your dough?'

I can answer those questions now, by the way, and the answers are 'so many' and 'no', respectively

anyhow, it's gently snowing, my windows have snow piled along the pane dividers in a very picturesque kind of way, I have some tea, let's chop some onions

other questions that people might have are 'are these authentic', 'are you even Polish', and 'can't you just buy these at the store' and the answers to those questions are probably not, I don't fucking know, and absolutely not

if you go back in time, you can sometimes buy them from certain churches in the early to mid-nineties, or you could get them free from bobbi, who spoke not a lot of English but was absolutely lovely and lived downstairs from me at one of the places I lived in Cleveland

it's possible that my onion box needs some culling, but lucky for me, I'm about to use so many fucking onions

update: I found some cat food in the onion box? also, possibly I didn't actually need to buy another 5 lb sack of onions at Aldi last week, but I definitely did

another question that this is going to answer is do I own a potato masher, and I was pretty sure that the answer to that one was yes? but it seems increasing like the answer is no. onwards!

Right, so we've got our onions, we've got two sticks of butter, which is about 200 g... just fucking kidding, we're going to need to chop so many more onions than that

her majesty feels that if I'm in the kitchen, she deserves treats. cat tithe: complete

that scene from oceans 11, but it's just me, with myself, thinking about onions. this oughta do it.

you think we need one more?

all right, we'll get one more.

all right, enough. I'm pretty sure that my kitchen technically qualifies as a chemical weapon at this point. I don't actually know if I'll need this many onions, but what's the worst case scenario? I end up with extra cooked, delicious onions in my fridge? tragedy

just kidding, I'm definitely using all the onions

time to peel some potato

peeling potatoes is super tedious. this is not nearly enough potatoes. wash, peel, cut off any gross bits, wash again, cut into chunks, put into pot. do not @ me about how you could just leave the peel on and have a rustic mash. this is not the time for a rustic fucking mash

update: I have ditched that pot and upgraded to the single largest pot in my entire kitchen. this could be used to bathe an entire child in. not even like necessarily a baby, but like a whole-ass child

this is still not enough potatoes

gotta keep stirring the onion, too, because you don't want them to brown, you just want them all to be perfectly translucent and completely saturated and butter

this is 5 lb of potatoes, minus one that was rotted. it feels inadequate. and what does Achilles keep telling me? fear is for the weak? all right, fine, I guess I'm cracking into the second 5 lb bag of potatoes

ok. feeling good about the onions, feeling okay about the potato. this is about seven and a half pounds, and there's a couple left for me to make latke with (hopefully).

soon: cooking the potato

right now: SNACCS

actually, let's just go with a full-on meal. it's supper time, and I'm definitely going to bed after I finish making the pierogi filling

also I'm trying to clear out my fridge a little bit, because I have it turns out a lot of stuff in my fridge, and I... need that space

look how picturesque

also, if you're wondering about the dinner, it's ham, d'affinois cheese, two kinds of prosciutto-and-provolone pepper shooters, olives, and two pieces of homemade bread absolutely fucking COVERED in that garlic confit from the other day.

really can't overstate how good the return on that garlic confit is.

anyhow, tho, sitting down was a mistake, because i still have a Lot of cheese to grate, and also potatoes to boil, and i am Disinclined to stand up and do so.

ok, i'm fuckin doing it. standing back up. back to the kitchen. boiling some potatoes.

ok, potatoes are boiling, I did some dishes, and I've bribed my child with soup to do the cat litter. Time to shred some fucking cheese

this cheese was chosen by digging through my fridge to see which cheeses were the most expired. this will not be a sufficient amount of cheese.

The kraut is because we've decided to do some that are potato and kraut in addition to the potato and cheese ones

common questions: why is your cheese orange? because that's the kind of cheese that the grocery store had when it was on sale.

why is your cheese expired? because there's a pandemic and the thing that I apparently panic buy is cheese and sausages

quick pickle break, because the potatoes still aren't even boiling, probably because they're in the world's largest pot and they're seven and a half pounds of potatoes in there, and these cucumbers were getting a little bit soft

these are easy, at least. a cup of a mild vinegar (I used rice vinegar), maybe half that much water, a tablespoonish of salt, a teaspoonish of sugar, some mirin, some ginger paste, and some garlic, and now they get ignored in the fridge for a couple days

I feel like a witch. hot witch winter around here.

I'm gonna grate one more thing of cheese. just to be safe.

excellent news, well I can't find a cheese grater, I did remember that I own a hand mixer and I think that that'll be fine

if I were a really good person I would run all these potatoes through the fucking food mill, but I'm not

ok here we go

ok, that actually went really well. some have already been taken out for the sauerkraut batch, which we decided should not have cheese, and now I'm going to mix so much fucking cheese into this

you know, it's possible that I overestimated how much cheese I needed

actually, no, this is perfect, I did great

i beat it a little more after that so that it's nice and smooth, and then did the kraut one, and now they're both cooling for a little while so i can put them in the fridge without melting the seventy-four pounds of cheese that i still have

also, yes, the fillings are getting fridged because i don't believe in working with warm fillings, and also there's no way i can stand up long enough to do this all on in day, are you fucking kidding me, i would die

which means that tomorrow is pierogi cookalong PART TWO

apparently my goal is to run off all my followers before the end of the year or something. sorry i'm like this, but also not sorry enough to stop being like this

i do feel obligated to warn y'all that my most controversial take here is that my dough has both dairy and egg in it, which is my personal favorite but apparently fighting words to some

please admire these beautiful pillows of potatoes that I have made

i meant to say, but i added a *lot* of salt and some garlic and pepper, and might add some marjoram to the kraut ones if i can find it tomorrow

but also that potato-cheese one is like the best, richest cheese-y mashed potatoes you've ever eaten

MUSTARD, i can add some mustard to the kraut ones, that's gonna be fucking great

ok, cookalong part two. i'm up, i've eaten, i've had a tea. i'm waiting for the painkillers to kick in (and playing another run of hades) before i head to the kitchen again, but then: it's on

ok! back at it again. today's efforts feature my brand new KitchenAid from that deal that we all went nuts about a month or two back, the pasta roller that @moonyenoom very kindly gave me, and a cutting board from @wintersweet

and, like, a 10 lb sack of King Arthur flour

it's a very brought to you by the internet kind of feeling, which I'm enjoying. thank you

(cutting board not pictured yet)

this is the only time that I ever measure volumetrically, but my base recipe for the dough is four and a half cups of flour, two cups of sour cream, two eggs, and a tablespoon of salt.

when I run out of sour cream, which I will almost certainly do, I'll use milk and it'll be fine, but not as good, and you have to kind of guess what the proportions. to be honest, because it's volumetric, I always end up kind of guessing at the proportions. it's fine, it's dough

... I've only used this mixer like twice, but I don't think it's supposed to sound like this

also, I'm adding another egg

we have achieved dough! ended up being three eggs and five and a quarter cups of flour, about

The mixer seems to have stopped making that noise, too, so hopefully it was just... burning in? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

the dough is done when you can touch it and it doesn't adhere to your hands anymore. now I'm going to rest it for 15 or 20 minutes while I dick around on the internet

my favorite part of cooking anything is the part where i have to sit down and ignore it for a little while, as a datapoint

though i realise now that if i were being a GOOD adult, i would've made crispy shallots in this lull. later.

ok, terrible news: the dough has rested long enough and now it's time for the worst part of cooking, which is the bit where i've got to stand up again and go do things.

further updates momentarily, probably

ok, here we go

this is about a third of the dough, and I'm going to roll it out and run it through the machine

I cut the third in half, and now I have two pieces of rolled out dough, ready to be cut into circles. also like 5/6 more of the dough to roll out

so I cut those using my fancy mason jar ring cutter, and I've rerolled the scraps, and I'm going to cut that

yesterday's pillows are making an appearance. I just weighed them, and I have seven and a half pounds of the potato cheese filling, and two and a half of the potato kraut filling

I'm gonna be here a while

okay, but that's nine done! I mean, I still gotta boil them, and there's like, infinity more filling, but still! progress!

it's just, you see, each of these takes maybe a little over a teaspoon of filling, and I have [checks notes] an entire shitwhack of filling

fun fact: even with a pasta roller, you have to sort of flatten things before you put it in the roller? and I don't actually own a rolling pin, because, I guess, of who I am as a person? so I'm using this fancy bottle of olive oil that I bought at Aldi, a true multi-purpose tool

to be clear, every other time I've made these? I've had to roll them all out by hand, which is, I assure you, the fucking worst

Love the pasta roller

shaping! bad lighting in my kitchen, sorry. stretch the dough gently, rub the edge with a little bit of water, fold it in half, and then start pinching your way from the middle out. I like to compress it a little bit right before I seal it to make sure I've gotten all the air out

now that they're formed, it's time to boil them. boiling water, boil them until they float, then pull them out and spray them down with spray oil or rub them done with butter if you are that motivated, which I am not. lazy way only for this unbelievably labor-intensive project!

so those ones are cool enough that they've been popped into the freezer, where they just need to stay until they solidify and then I can put them in baggies and back into the freezer. meanwhile, I have formed another dozen pierogi and I'm about to do another batch

also, no, relatedly, holy shit, I forgot how much fucking work this is, why did I think this was a fun project to do by myself

ok, about four dozen down, and almost a full batch of dough finished. i'm sitting for a little, and then i'm making another batch of dough

i've already made the executive decision that some of the cheese filling is being set aside to be baked and topped with crispy shallots

possibly in a week or two when i can walk again, i'll make a little beef roast and we can have cheese-garlic potatoes topped with crispy shallots, roasted veg, and beeves? that'd be nice

i'm also committed to making a pork belly in the next week, not least because the pirogies can't fit in my freeser with the pork still in there, so. out it comes

but pork and kraut and apple and sweet potato will be a fine new year's dish

oh, but also, i ate one of the pirogies because it split in the boiling, and pals. buds. these are fucking *delicious*. like. they're so good.

ok, this 'short break' has lasted an hour now.

back into the pirogi mines

my child is still asleep, and thus i'm still doing this on my own. but i think one more batch of dough, and i'm likely done? fingers crossed?

update: forgot i hadn't actually used all the dough from last time, so did another dozen, and now the next batch of dough is chilling for a little.

not like, getting cold, just like. vibing, you know?

still at it. Ash came in and helped for about 15 minutes, and then was like, no, this is bad texture, I'm out. and like, samesies, but also, here we are

DONE

now I just gotta.... clean up... maybe eat something... [collapses, sobbing]

ok. still gotta get the last of the cheesy bois into bags, and get the kraut ones into the freezer (you can't bag them until they're partially frozen) but kitchen clean, and we at some chicken fingers to, uh, make more freezer space

FUCK, the fucking shallots!!

ugh they'll keep another few days; i'm just gonna keep not dealing with that right now