"Welp, looks like this was his Last Chrism--"

*chokes on piece of ham he forgot to swallow when thinking of a George Michael joke, falls onto the rumpus room floor, desperately tries to signify to Mom Mom that he's choking, but she's asleep with her tongue out, chin to chest.

Tries crawling towards stairs, hears brother in law Geoff telling a Trump joke he planned on telling at New Years, joke crushes, now filled with as much rage as his windpipe is with ham, slowly losing consciousness, realizes he's about to be found dead in an ugly sweater,

looks back to Mom Mom one more time in last ditch effort to survive, realizes she might be dead too, collapses on stairs, reality sinks in that cause of death will be of ham choking, but really also a broken heart that never healed from Desiree leaving. Fuck.* #RIPGeorgeMichael