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BREAKING NEWS: From Mar a Lago - After watching a myriad of Christmas documentaries sources indicate @realDonaldTrump is currently considering pardoning Hans Gruber for his actions at Nakatomi Plaza over 30 years ago says he was “just a misunderstood banker”
Update on this Information: Upon learning from the Christmas Documentaries, that Hans Gruber did in fact die when falling from the Nakatomi Plaza. #POTUS now fuming that he could no longer pardon Hans considered a Posthumus Pardon offering it to his brother Simon 2/
After all Simon was a former Colonel in the German Army and #POTUS saw this as an opportunity to host a great reception for Chancellor Merkel - Alas this plan fell through as well. It was discovered some five hours later that Simon also died in a terrible helicopter accident 3/
Next morning still wanting to quench his desire to Pardon "Many Fine People" #POTUS completing a round of Golf and discussing pardons with his Playing Partners a young SPC from the #WHCA who was carrying the Presidents Phone suggested; Why not the members of the Asian Dawn 4/
The young SPC sure sir, why not pardon Members of the Asian Dawn? I can send you a picture of the group - "They are easily being persecuted for no reason sir." Adding "after all they are a great group of misunderstood kids" 5/
The Sr. Officer on the ground at the time strongly discouraged #POTUS and suggested that his current pardons were enough and that he should re-consider - However he was immediately cutoff as #POTUS began to smile with glee 6/
The Damage er ... Pardon has been set - Fully expect that shortly after the Holiday Break #POTUS will announce a pardon for the #AsianDawn aka #BTS on or about 5 JAN 2021 all thanks to an Army Specialist 7/7