Read on Twitter
Stop me if you've heard this one before...
I call it Grinch's 11.
A long time ago (the 60s), there was a lot of money floating around Whoville. So much money that it wasn't long before a young Ned McDodd, who had served as mayor, decided to sink his considerable funds into a casino.
The casino was called "The Blue Fish", and before long there was "Red Fish" casino, then not one but two more "fish"casinos. They called it fish because it brought in whales...which was casino speak for "high rollers"
I had admired them from a far. How much did that who bring in a night? Whos coming in from every 'ville would drop a tuition in one night. Rumor had it that the week's money was kept in a safe in the basement of the Blue Fish.
I figured, "hey, how much would a guy like him miss a week's earnings?". I figured not much...especially if he didn't know it was gone.
Now as much as I hated the idea, I needed to split up the work. That would mean splitting the take, but even at that we would be talking big bucks for everyone.
I needed an elite team. First I needed someone who could blend in with the staff at the casino. Somebody that wold blend in with the kitchen staff and surveil the undergraound tunnels of the Red Fish...so I went to Sam Iam.
Next I needed somebody who could be my lookout, someone with advanced hearing ability, and since he got out of prison, Horton needed the work.
I was going to have someone who could slip in and out of tight spaces. And since they had split up with "The Cat", Thing 1 and 2 were my go to guys.
Where could I find someone who could cause the distraction I needed? Someone who could make the trees all fall at once? Lorax was it.
The plan was something like this: cause a great distraction right in the middle of Whoville. Get all the authorities distracted. McDodd, who had eyes on every dollar, would have to be distracted too.
Enter Bartholomew Cubbins. He had so many hats, he could keep anyone busy for hours. So while Cubbins was doing his thing, Sam I Am would take Thing 1 and 2 to where the guards were and tell them" this needs to go to Ned ASAP.
Once inside, it was a mere hop on pop to spring into the ventilation system. Once inside they would make their way to Mcdodd's office. While he was distracted by the hats, the Things could make their was to where he hid the key to the vault.
Once the key was procured and my sidekick Max would do the heavy lifting. We needed to take the key and get it to the safe. But how?
well I would pretend my heart, which medically was two sizes too small, was failing me. Fake a heart attack in the casino. They can't call an ambulance, because of the trouble in the middle of Whoville, so they would take me into the bowels of the casino to recover.
Once inside, Max (who was hiding in my pocket) could run out with the key and take it to the safe. He's great with locks. And me? I had a Santa suit that could fool the smartest Who: Dr. Cindy Lou Who. Then I would make my way from the nurses station to the safe.
My point man, who did the count of the safe, Yertle, would escort myself and my sled making like we were Santa on our way to hand out presents.
Easy as green eggs and ham.
Everything went as planned on the day, until we ran into him.
The bastard himself, The Cat, was personally guarding the safe. We needed to adjust quickly. Luckily I had one more card up my sleeve...a little fish who knew the Cat like the back of his fin.
He could keep the Cat busy I thought.
I radioed thing 1 and 2 and told them they'd have to be the ones to go to the safe, as I was too big to escape the cat's attention.
Horton radioed me: police were making there way to the Casino as McDodd had sounded an alarm. My last course of action, one I wish I never had to do, was to use my dumb heart, which since the beginning of this heist had grown, and push the sleigh with the money down on the casino
I needed to get my team out of there. The money and sled would cave in the roof in right over the floor. Enough so that we could all exit. The money was going to free us, and at that point freedom was looking like the ultimate take.
we all met at the rendezvous point. Everyone was down in the mouth. I had to address the troops. "Well we didn't get the fortune we had hoped for..."
"Ahem", a throat was being cleared comically. All of us turned around and there he was...
The Cat. "Did the Casino send you? Because we don't have a cent!"
"On the contrary my friend, your caper doesn't have to end!"
"You weren't the only somebody who wanted the who's money!"
He produced a giant sack, money pouring out of it. "You see, Thing 1 and 2 told me about your little scheme and I thought I'd take advantage of it. I'm not an honest creature, but I couldn't have grabbed the money without the stunts you pulled...so...here's your cut"
we all swept the floor with our chins. "Thanks again" he said as he hopped in his car and drove off.
The Cat got as far as the Whoville City limits, before he was pulled over for speeding. You see, I had a friend on the force, Lou Lou Who, and one phone call was all I needed to get the Cat arrested (and look the other way when we split up our cut of his cut).
With the Cat arressted and McDodd blaming him for the theft...well let's just say the stripes on his convict uniform would go well with that hat.
I was finally ready to relax, get fat off roast beast and retire. That was until I heard there was a new casino set to open, and just like a fox in socks...I was back in...
...but that's a story for another time.
