Priti Patel has likely ordered the RAF's Quick Reaction Force to shoot down Santa if he attempts to enter UK airspace.

No chance she's letting anyone be kind to kids in this country.

Jacob Rees-Mogg will condemn Santa for "playing politics" by giving children free presents.

James Cleverly will ding Santa's sleigh whilst driving and texting, then despite video evidence, blame the foreigner.

Grant Shapps will offer Santa a "great deal" on some prime Tower Hamlets real estate, only to be rebuked by the man in red.

Santa will also point out 2nd & 3rd homes don't get presents too.

Matt Hancock will offer Santa to get in on the PPE business for a 25% cut.

Rishi Sunak will threaten Santa with tax rises after he gets a cup without USB port.

Mark Francois will threaten to invade Lapland because Santa visited France first.

Santa will tell Francois to stay away from his wife.

Therese Coffey will remind Santa that his visa states No Access to Public Funds for 10 years.

A clerical error will see him ordered to pay £1200 for a Tax credit claim he never made.

Santa will give Boris Johnson a reversing camera to help him with u-turns.

Johnson will try to have him beaten up for shaming him.

Ben Wallace will have the MoD blacklist Santa and his associates for visiting hostile nations.

Liz Truss will ask for trade access to Lapland's snow markets in exchange for literally anything Santa wants.

She'll be disappointed with her gift of cheddar cheese, as she asked for Japanese pork.

Santa doesn't visit Michael Gove because he believes he's the antichrist.

His wife Sarah Vine does however get a books on etiquette and UK libel law.

Santa blasts Gavin Williamson's fireplace as poor quality while delivering him a Knex set of a militarized tractor.