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Yule guide to dealing with the fae:
It is NO USE trying to convince people not to trust elves, no matter how jolly, so here are some ground rules for dealing with the fae.
It is NO USE trying to convince people not to trust elves, no matter how jolly, so here are some ground rules for dealing with the fae.
1) the fae are very literal. They donât understand subtext or sarcasm. Once I said, âI want the Yuletide to be gay,â and look at me now!
2) the fae donât understand the rules of reciprocity for gifts.
if they give you a gift, they ABSOLUTELY WILL REQUIRE SOMETHING IN RETURN
if they give you a gift, they ABSOLUTELY WILL REQUIRE SOMETHING IN RETURN
if you are expecting presents from Santa, you should ABSOLUTELY expect to offer in return the following:
cookies
reindeer treats
unlimited surveillance powers
access to your house
cookies reindeer treats unlimited surveillance powers access to your house
A loophole is available if you offer access to your chimney but do not, in fact, have a chimney.
Remember, the fae are extremely literal.
Remember, the fae are extremely literal.
3) under no circumstances should you tell Santa your actual, full name.
First name is fine.
4) the fae are not human.
They do not understand human humor, they do not understand human social cues, they do not have the same responses to situations you do.
They do not understand human humor, they do not understand human social cues, they do not have the same responses to situations you do.
5) you cannot read a faeâs emotions from their face alone.
This guy?
Absolutely plotting to kill you.
This guy?
Absolutely plotting to kill you.
6) the fae are always open to bargain.
just remember that they are extremely good with legal language.
you may be able to forestall physical injury if you are willing to forego ânaughtinessâ but remember to define these terms closely.
just remember that they are extremely good with legal language.
you may be able to forestall physical injury if you are willing to forego ânaughtinessâ but remember to define these terms closely.
Remember the incident with Grandma?
Could have been avoided if she specified her terms more closely.
Could have been avoided if she specified her terms more closely.
7) the fae operate under a different system of time
you think Santa REALLY flies through the WHOLE WORLD in 1 night??
lol no
If you forget this, you might end up being taken to the North Pole & never seen again
It will seem like one night to you, but 100 yrs will have passed
you think Santa REALLY flies through the WHOLE WORLD in 1 night??
lol no
If you forget this, you might end up being taken to the North Pole & never seen again
It will seem like one night to you, but 100 yrs will have passed
8) the things that are poisonous to you are not poisonous to the fae and Vice Versa
the fae: love mistletoe
MISTLETOE IS POISONOUS TO HUMANS
it is very important you never ever eat anything offered to you by the fae
it might not kill you but that shiz can F you UP
the fae: love mistletoe
MISTLETOE IS POISONOUS TO HUMANS
it is very important you never ever eat anything offered to you by the fae
it might not kill you but that shiz can F you UP
9) if you see your mom kissing Santa?
back away slowly and never speak of it again
back away slowly and never speak of it again
10) when at ALL possible, avoid dealing with the fae.
They are not inherently cruel and they usually mean well, but they operate on a different system of values and have different ways of showing friendship.
itâs safest to stay away
They are not inherently cruel and they usually mean well, but they operate on a different system of values and have different ways of showing friendship.
itâs safest to stay away
11) it is never too early to teach your children to be wary of the fae https://twitter.com/swilua/status/938112966343446529
PRO TIP
If you keep a fire burning in your fireplace ALL CHRISTMAS EVE you can circumvent the Clause in your agreement that says Santa may enter through your chimney WITHOUT nulling the âin exchange there will be presentsâ clause
If you keep a fire burning in your fireplace ALL CHRISTMAS EVE you can circumvent the Clause in your agreement that says Santa may enter through your chimney WITHOUT nulling the âin exchange there will be presentsâ clause
There is a reason itâs called the âSanta Clauseâ LJS
you better watch out, you better not cry https://twitter.com/swilua/status/1342292951561547777
12) the fae cannot lie
they can ~deceive you, but their words will always be literally true
if they say you better watch out, you best be watching out
preferably through a window
on the INSIDE of your house, with your door bolted shut (w/iron) and a fire going
they can ~deceive you, but their words will always be literally true
if they say you better watch out, you best be watching out
preferably through a window
on the INSIDE of your house, with your door bolted shut (w/iron) and a fire going
