Yesterday, I received a message from a guy going through an issue in his marriage.

I am only human, so I scrolled through his page as I read his message.

It’s always the same tragedy.

1/19

Relationships falling apart in my DMs with happy family picture-perfect profile pages — smiling partners, anniversary messages, dinner dates, pictures of children — everything is good over here.

I don’t blame them. Society needs us to believe that couples don’t fight.

2/19

Divorce announcements with extended essay captions get posted right after the holiday pictures with no context.

“We broke up” youtube titles get millions of hits & shocked reaction videos.

Even after my well-articulated viral marriage threads I still fight with my wife.

3/19

Fights happen in every relationship; we fight with people we love; parents, siblings, friends. Days overwhelm you, life frustrates you and emotions will lead your logic into a confrontation.

Me and my wife fought yesterday over — I can’t even remember, welcome to married life.

Fights happen in a marriage...a lot.

Anger and love are both selfish emotions that battle for your attention.

Sometimes it’s due to a lack of communication; sometimes it’s forgetting to buy dishwasher tablets or misplacing the remote.

5/19

Differences of opinions, misunderstood intentions, unresolved trauma. Fights in marriage range from deep-rooted parental issues to it’s not that deep at all.

To preserve your marriage, you must realise that even in anger, there are rules of engagement.

6/19

Fights in a marriage should revolve around two important questions; What are we fighting about?

How are we fighting about it?

The first question does not belong to you; it belongs to time and healing, sometimes the wisdom of experienced others; it may belong to your therapist.

The second question is the responsibility of you and your partner.

How we fight is sometimes more important than what we are fighting about.

8/19

An argument over forgotten dinner plans at the in-laws can end with my bad, or it can end with a slammed front door, keys in the car & a 3 hr disappearance without communication.

Option A or Option B, there is no correct answer, but both responses lead to different outcomes.

How my wife and I fight impacts how we heal; the how impacts the response.

Argument resolutions are like trips to the opticians; the same image distorts depending on the lens you use to view it.

10/19

It isn’t corny to resolve a fight with a paragraph of messages; it’s worst to let the dispute marinate in bitterness until the aftertaste stains your love. Seconds of anger can conclude in lifetimes of pain.

11/19

Marriage is the decision to take a deep breath before every hurtful word or spiteful action.

Some words can never be taken back. In arguments, where emotions spray in all directions, some actions may evaporate, but the scent remains in the air — forming dark clouds of regret.

In marriage you will inevitably fight.

My wife did not marry Gandhi, and she is no saint, but we have learned that even in a heated battle of egos, you can leave the door open for forgiveness. I fight with my wife, but these are fights rooted in love.

13/19

Love may sometimes borrow from anger to get it’s point across, but love should never lean into violence and hate.

Punching mirrors, kicking down televisions, and violent tantrums are for children who can’t control their emotions.

14/19

Marriage is a test of maturity, and if you can not manage your emotions without lashing out, don’t drag someone else into your mess. Some work needs to be done internally before you project it externally.

Failing students should revise, not become lecturers.

15/19

When you can comprehend what deeply hurts another person, bringing hate into an argument is cruelty; it’s a boxing match against an injured opponent — your punches target insecurities, and your jabs open past wounds.

16/19

Love hurts, and love can scar, but arguments rooted in hate cause a marriage to bleed. Wounds invisible to the outside world that leaves a marriage haemorrhaging on the inside.

17/19

We fight the ones we love because sometimes that is love. Love is emotion, it’s passion, it’s reckless, but it is also insecure and must be protected from itself. Trading moments of anger for years of commitment, love and trust is never worth it.

18/19

There was a reason you stepped up and picked that person to spend the rest of your life committed to, so even when you can’t remember why you are fighting, remember you who you are fighting.

19/19