I am issuing #pardons today.

Pardon #1: Ballmer, for attempted murder of Microsoft and conspiracy to kill open-source.

Pardon #2: Steve Jobs, for daylight robbery - setting the App Store fee at 30% in stead of 15%.

Pardon #3: Bill Gates, for killing Netscape and attempted murder of Java - his work on Corona vaccine lately were key factor. @BillGates pardoned.

Pardon #4: Larry Ellison, hijacking & defamation: for hijacking - the term cloud, defamation and misleading information by calling it 'just vapor' and 'just software'. The pardon excludes appliance cloud-washing. Even mercy has limits.

Pardon #5: Marc Benioff, reckless abandonment & gross negligence.

@Benioff is hereby pardoned for abandoning SaaS for the younger, sexier moniker of cloud. Grossly neglected the social enterprise after adopting it. Pardoned for adopting Slack: second chances!

Pardon #6: Bill McDermott, driving without a license and under the influence.

@BillRMcDermott tried to drive on-premise SAP in the cloud without a license under the influence of a Hawai'ian drug (Hana).

Pardoned for realizing renouncing false gods, and getting religion $SNOW.

Pardon #7: Diane Greene, manslaughter second-degree.

Google Cloud - almost died - but she was not really at fault. More of an innocent bystander, per Seinfeld.

The committee pointed to her genius at VMware and how GCP thrives today. Innocent bystander, pardoned!

Pardon #8: Marissa Meyer, recklessly driving Yahoo into the ditch.

Her work on creating APM - has created so much value for our ecosystem, we owe her one. Plus, @marissamayer has a new startup.

What kind of Christmas would it be if we didn't pardon those that tried & failed?