Does Islam Teach Men to Beat Their Wives? [A Thread ]

Many people have the misconception that Islam encourages men to beat their wives if they disobey them.

They base their belief on this verse of the Qur'an:

And if you sense rebellion from your women, advise them, (then, if they persist), do not share their beds, (but if they persist), then 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺. But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, AIl-Great. (Qur'an, 4:34)

The Arabic word used here to mean 'beat them' is 'adribuhunna', which is derived from the Arabic word 'daraba'. The word 'daraba' can mean to beat, but it has other meanings as well that should not be ignored.

For example, in the same chapter as the so-called "beating" verse, Allah SWT says: “O you who believe! When you go abroad (𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗯𝘁𝘂𝗺)...” (Qur'an, 4:94). Here the word 'daraba' is used to mean 'go abroad' or to travel.

In another chapter, Allah SWT says: “See how Allah sets forth (𝗱𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗯𝗮) a parable?” (Qur'an, 14:24)

So the word 'daraba' can mean to beat or strike but it can also mean to separate, to disregard, to turn away from, to give an example, etc.

If we use the meaning of 'to separate', the verse would read:

And if you sense rebellion from your women, advise them, (then, if they persist), do not share their beds, (but if they persist), then 𝘀𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 from them. But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, AIl-Great.

So the verse would then be telling men to take a break from their wives, to leave them for a time until they change their behaviour. But did the Prophet (s) ever do such a thing? Yes, he did.

Muhammad ibn Sa’d (785-845 CE), a Muslim scholar and one of the most well-known biographers of the Holy Prophet (s) records an incident where the Prophet (s) stayed away from one of his wives for a month because she tried to act against a divine command of Allah SWT.

She wanted him to give their family more of the treasures from war than was prescribed for them by Allah SWT. So the wife of the Prophet (s) rebelled by going against a divine command of Allah SWT and he separated from her for a month.

Now let's look at how Allah SWT tells men to deal with their wives in other verses of the Qur'an. Again in the same chapter as the "beating" verse, Allah SWT says:

“O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should you treat them with harshness [...] on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity.” (Qur'an, 4:19)

And in another chapter, He says: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between you. Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (Qur'an 30:21)

And in another chapter He says: “A divorce is only permissible twice. After that, the parties should either hold together on equitable terms, or separate with kindness.” (Qur'an 2:229)

In this verse Allah SWT tells us to make sure to divorce with kindness and leave on good terms, but then He supposedly tells men to beat their wives during the marriage? See how the "beating" meaning makes no sense?

Now let's look at some hadiths from the Prophet (s):

The Prophet (s) has said: “I am amazed at the one who strikes his wife, while he is more deserving to be struck himself! Do not strike your wives [...] Rather, chastise them with a lessening in their maintenance; thus, you shall gain felicity in this world and the next.”

Source: (Mustadrak al-Wasa’il, v. 14, p. 250). The Prophet (s) here is saying exactly what Allah SWT said in the Quran (4:34). Advise them, do not share the bed with them, and then separate from them so they can have time to reflect on what they're doing.

Aisha reported: “The Messenger of Allah (s) never struck anything with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant, unless he was fighting in the way of Allah.” (Sahih Muslim 2328)

“How can you embrace your wife with the same hand that you beat her with?” (Kitab al-Kafi, Vol. 5, p. 509, Hadith 10)

The same hadith is recorded in Sahih Bukhari:
“How does one of you beat his wife as he beats a horse or a slave and then embrace her?” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 5695)

And here's another:

Narrated Mu’awiyah al-Qushayri: I went to the Apostle of Allah (s) and asked him, “What do you say about our wives?”

He (the Prophet) replied, “Give them food from what you have for yourself, and clothe them by which you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not verbally abuse them.” (Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Book of Marriage, Number 2139)

In conclusion, Allah SWT does NOT instruct men to beat their wives, but instead to separate from them so they can realize what they're doing is wrong and driving their husband away.

The Quran and Hadiths (both Shia and Sunni) support this interpretation and in fact it is the ONLY interpenetration which stays true to the teachings of Allah SWT and the Prophet Muhammad (s).