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The nurses of California are afraid of you.

They’re scared of you and your family. They’re frightened by what you’re doing, or not doing, during a global pandemic that shows no signs of slowing down. 

They’re even more terrified of what you might do next.
. @jaethephotog, videographer J.R. Hall and I went into two Southern California hospitals on Tuesday for @AP.

Jae and I had gone into a COVID unit over the summer.

This was much worse.
There are dark circles beneath Jenny Carrillo’s eyes.

A charge nurse at Providence Holy Cross Medical Center, Carrillo is haunted by the daily counts of COVID patients. She sends texts on her days off to see the latest figures.

There’s always a new record in the reply.
On Tuesday, there were 147 coronavirus patients, another daily high.

The strain is mirrored in the nurses:
They are completely gowned up -- and completely worn down.

“Every day, I look into the eyes of someone who is struggling to breathe,” Carrillo said, her voice breaking.
It’s inconceivable -- until you walk down a hallway and listen to the machines whirring and the monitors beeping and the ventilators belching like foghorns.

“If you had told us in April that we’d have 147 patients?” nurse leader Elizabeth Chow said. “Never in my wildest dreams.”
Christmas is coming.

Thanksgiving already pushed them to the brink. Extra staff, canceled surgeries, tents. It’s all to stay afloat before the next surge.

Dr. Jim Keany wonders how much more they can handle.

“Are we going to have the resources to take care of our community?”
You can be our messenger, nurse Genyza Dawson tells her patients when -- if -- they get discharged.

Dawson, who has a scar forming on her nose from the tight masks, begs them to spread the word.

“Now you know how it is,” she tells them. “You were one of the lucky ones.”
Mission Hospital celebrated a milestone: 100 patients who had been in their isolation ICU had survived + gone home.

In Holy Cross, “Here Comes The Sun” plays when a COVID patient is discharged.

It comes from a tradition where hospitals sound a lullaby for new babies born.
For the nurses of California, their worst fear is that you might become their patient.

They don’t want you to die. They don’t want you to suffer. They’ve seen a lifetime of that already.
They want to help you.

But first, they say, you need to help them.
LOS ANGELES ( @AP) — California becomes first state to record 2 million confirmed coronavirus cases.
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