MARY: How's the room?

JOSEPH: Um ... rustic.

MARY: It's clean, though?

JOSEPH: Well, it's not immaculate. (To self) But then who is.

MARY: Hm?

JOSEPH: Nothing.

MARY: A BARN?

JOSEPH: A bungalow.

MARY: A STABLE?

JOSEPH: A cabin.

MARY: THAT... IS AN OXEN.

JOSEPH: "Ox." There's just one.

[MOO]

JOSEPH: Nope ok two sorry my bad

MARY: You didn't call ahead?

JOSEPH: Yeah about that see I sort of figured the omnipotent being whose son you're carrying might you know HANDLE THE LOGISTICS

ANGEL: Need anything? Tiny bottled water?

MARY (weakly): I'm.. ok. Just - just this splitting headache and-

ANGEL: Great (into earpiece) send in the kid with the drum.

MARY: what

MELCHIOR: Gold!

MARY: Uh-huh.

BALTHAZAR: Frankincense!

MARY: Yep.

CASPAR: Myrrh!

MARY: Got it thanks.

TRISH: Bath beads!

MARY: OOOH AWESOME

SHEPHERD: Nice manger.

JOSEPH: I'm gonna rip these walls out, re-wire it.

SHEPHERD: Gonna make it all CCXX?

JOSEPH: ...

SHEPHERD: ...

JOSEPH: CCXX, CCXXI, whatever it takes.

ANGEL: He's here! He’s here!

MARY: What?

GOD: hey girl

JOSEPH: Oh fer-

GOD: so uh ... is that him?

JOSEPH: Are you KIDDING me.

MARY: Sh, Joe. .... Yes.

JOSEPH: "Is that him?" Seriously? All-knowing much?

MARY: Joseph!

JOSEPH: Mary. Come on. The child. Is. GLOWING. "Is that him"!

MARY: Go see if a room opened up, Joe.

GOD: Yeah, do that.

JOSEPH: I'M STAYI-(poof)

GOD: He's got your eyes, M.

MARY: And your-

GOD: Beatitude? Ineffable perfection?

MARY: See I was going to say feet. But sure ok.

GOD: ...

MARY: ... Also he glows, so.

GOD: No yep that too sure

INNKEEPER: Hey Joseph once again sorry we were overbooked last night but I got a suite that just opened up and hold up wait WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE

JOSEPH: Oh, they're not staying with us. They're passing through. THEY’RE PASSING THROUGH, RIGHT GUYS?

SHEPHERD #3: I dunno. Nicer'n our lean-to.

INNKEEPER (weakly): there are fire codes

JOSEPH: Ok shepherds don’t mind me I’m just gonna spray some of this frankincense around the place freshen it up a bit right ha ha then I thought I’d pop out for some supplies can I get you guys anything like toothbrushes or

SHEPHERD #2: Your majesty?

CASPAR: Yes?

SHEPHERD #2: You brought the myrrh, right? The ointment?

CASPAR: I did.

SHEPHERD #2: Could my friends and I have a little? Just a dab or two? It’s just we’re shepherds, see, and we’re sore afraid.

JOSEPH: Out.

WAITER: Room service.

JOSEPH: Hi.

WAITER: Where can I put it?

JOSEPH: In the manger.

WAITER: ...

JOSEPH: (sighs) Why does nobody know what a manger — The TROUGH.

WAITER: Got it. ... So uh like ATOP the glowing infant, or...