British warriors are so cool. I love their tattoos and their fearsome "oi mate" warcry.

Before battle, the British would drink "beer", an alcoholic brew made from grains. This beer is said to have made them fearless in battle, and allowed the primitive and savage British people to subjugate other tribes such as the "French"

It wasn't all warfare! The British were skilled boatbuilders, their traditional methods often passed down father to son, or employer to employee. In cities like Sunderland they still carry on these traditions to this day!

Britain was first discovered in 1806 by Moehanga of Ngāpuhi. Of course, the lightly-skinned indigenous British had been living there for generations before that!

Moehanga's mission to civilise the British hit many stumbles. Despite attaining an audience with Chief George III, he was unsuccessful in teaching the British kaitiakitanga or manaakitanga, which remain absent in their society to this day.

The British practiced a cruel tradition known as "colonialism" where they sailed to other tribes to butcher their people and take their kai back to Britain. Despite Moehanga's best attempts, the British continued this horrible practice for hundreds of years.

Despite centuries of New Zealand's benevolence, Britain remains a nation with astounding poverty. Imagine if their chiefs had prefered wānanga to wananga.

Despite this, Britain remains a fascinating multicultural nation, popular with tourists all year round. The foods such as 'sausage' can be found in British restaurants all over the world!

If you would like to learn more about the strange British people, you can tune in to television shows such as Doctor Who?!! and Downtown Abbey.

Thank you for joining me on this international adventure. Remember to say "oi mate!" as you raise your glass of "beer" and you can be British in your own living room! Cheerio!