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I’ve been rating fridges OVER on Instagram but you deserve to see these too. So: CHAOTIC CHRISTMAS FRIDGES AND THEIR RATINGS – A THREAD
Let’s start with mine. 3 types of goose products, high half-empty jar content, neurotic and almost certainly insalubrious crisper drawer. If your fridge doesn’t look like this, can we even be friends? 10/10.
Not one but two tubs of gourmet olives. Carrot overflow. Ginger Pig meat packages have Notions. Top shelf all kinds of crazy. Juice for show. Top marks, 8/10
Here we have equal parts greed and control freak tendencies. Note the containers organised by shape and size. Filed under « chaotic good », 6/10
I expected nothing less than whatever clusterfuck this is from @BelgianWaffling. Half a lime! Upside-down butter! Red cabbage on the top shelf! This is where all fridge light goes to die. Are there tortoises in the crisper drawer? Probably. 12/10
This fridge has aspirations. Dedicated cream shelf, alarming addiction to Tesco’s Finest. Noted porchetta action, perched there on the brink of self-immolation. A solid 7/10.
Call this chaos, @ElinorHuggett ? If I can see the shelves AND the back of the fridge, it ain’t chaos. Don’t think I haven’t spotted the gallon of premium Cornish cream. 2/10, must try harder.
Paris fridge. We’re in a different league now, boys and girls. Petit filou? Check. Quail’s eggs? Check. 76 different kinds of organic dairy products? CHECK. Shout out to the door chives and the jar of cornichon larger than the owner’s face. Eclectic but 5/10, peut mieux faire.
Where to start. This one’s organised, but only by sheer necessity. A BERGAMOT??? How much cream cheese do you need, woman? Again with the random red cabbage. I want to slay the performative sourdough starter but I won’t because I was bribed with panetttone. 10/10
This one was described as a Tupperware milk party and it is no place for the lactose intolerant. 7/10 for apocalyptic aesthetics alone
Palate cleanser by @richeymack:
A Husband was responsible for tidying this and I can’t help but be mildly disapproving. High butter content saves a few points, 3/10 but embrace the chaos, Tom. Embrace the chaos.
Ok here we go here go, live from @rosswclarke’s Welsh kitchen. 1) Why are your eggs in here 2) seriously people how much milk do you need 3) SALMON PASTE, old-school. 7/10, points deducted for cheese and charcuterie shelf with ideas above its station
On the surface, this looks orderly. But note the salad spinner on the bottom shelf. The bottles of beer. Standing guard. The lemon juice of despair. All that Alpro. Do we need to stage a soy intervention? 8/10 for underlying unease
OK we need to talk about the crisper drawers. What have they done to you, what have you done to them.
On closer inspection there appear to be two distinct personalities at work here. One overly reliant on supermarket treats to get them through the day (rhubarb preserve, two tubs of crème fraîche)...
... the other defined by ascetic restraint bordering on self-flagellation (beetroot, joyless Tupperware). Chaos levels low, 6/10 for dissonance alone
OMG is that a lone garlic clove on the barren bottom shelf? ALSO STOP PUTTING YOUR EGGS IN THE FRIDGE PEOPLE, YOU ARE NOT WOMEN OF A CERTAIN AGE WITH RAPIDLY DECLINING FERTILITY -4636636/10 I hate this fridge so much
Another unsettling one. Clean and orderly on the surface. But look closer and worrying patterns start to emerge. Bakewell tart, roly poly pudding and a while net of limes, anyone? That avocado is just here to distract from the oppressive caper jar. Shit’s about to get real, 9/10
Kathy no I’m sorry, this fridge is basically the show home of fridges. I want to put a deposit down on this fridge and tie myself in to a 25-year mortgage. Yes, the Charbonnel does sweeten the deal. 0/10 https://twitter.com/kathycastro/status/1341921305113677825
Let’s enter a world of monastic stillness. One comes to this fridge to contemplate the dark recesses of one’s soul. To bathe in purifying champagne. To venerate the blessed red cabbage. 3/10 but would visit again in an existential crisis
Hobbit fridge of many pickles. The crisper drawer is a whisp, a chimera, a receptacle for lost hope. You are just showing off with your two types of mustard. 4/10
A second winnning entry from @BelgianWaffling. Is that bean sprouts? No. Drawer and Tupperware filled with STRAW and HIBERNATING TORTOISES. Tubs of crab meat! Empty coke carton! HUEL! A fucking fennel! That tonic water will have a lot of heavy lifting to do this Xmas. 100/10
Another egg-in-fridge sitch @MarianneLevy I thought we were friends. Tupperware in the door is pure chaotic evil but WHY IS THERE NOTHING ON THE BOTTOM SHELF OH GOD. 4/10 gives me the heebie jeebies
Just let your eyes glide over this poorly lit debacle and rest on the shelf of nail polish. You are home now. 10/10, would drunkenly eat late-night kebabs with the owner of this fridge.
Another worshipper at the altar of dairy. Big Milk has a lot to answer for. Fridge density roughly as high as the sun’s. Approved. 8/10 https://twitter.com/eilidhfife/status/1342074365479952384
Let me rate your Christmas fridges, you cowards.
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT now we’re talking. Norway, land of giants, with equally imposing refrigeration units. I don’t know what’s happening in the door shelf but I want to jump into it like a ball pit. The slices of basic bitch cheese have to go, I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules 6/10 https://twitter.com/maria_vole/status/1342081212169539584
FUCK YES look at this gleaming bastion of chaos, this double whammy jar kingdom. Is there any food of nutritional value in here, bar the desultory and frankly anachronistic chicken wings? WHO CARES. 10/10 https://twitter.com/squashypigeon/status/1342083459100123136
