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today we had to have a zoom call where a woman in her 70s had to say goodbye to her husband. she was in our covid unit and he was on a respirator at the hospital, about to pass. there is nothing more painful than hanging up a call that ends half a century of marriage
“saying goodbye” is a terrible euphemism here. she was screaming and crying and telling him “don’t you dare leave me alone” and all we could do was hold an ipad for her.
it’s younger people who spread it but it’s their grandparents, their friends and neighbors grandparents, who have to go through these losses
it is so impossibly sad & it’s so impossibly infuriating that we still can’t get people to pull their masks over their nose, we can’t get people to tolerate the mild discomfort of breathing through a mask to spare people the endless impossible pain of seeing a spouse die on zoom
I wish I could make nonbelievers just have some kind of picture into what a covid unit looks like, sounds like, when you can always hear someone crying because either they are dying or their loved one just died
and it is so impossibly sterile and inhuman to hold someone’s hand through gloves, wearing a gown and n95 and face shield and hairnet, not even really being able to touch someone after their lifelong love has passed
Everything just feels impossible and overwhelming and the trauma just radiates from person to person and yet we still have to deal with the impossibly stupid task of asking a stranger at the store to cover their nose bc they can’t imagine the consequences of their own actions
I don’t know how to go from that and just do other things during the day. I try to focus on other things or watch mindless tv but it just sits in my brain all day
