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Short summary: Sisyphus was the Bugs Bunny of the ancient world. He escaped Hell multiple times.
Death was literally afraid to go NEAR Sisyphus at one point. He is the only Greek hero widely reputed to be much, much smarter than Odysseus.
Which makes him pretty damn smart. https://twitter.com/pocketcsnerd/status/1341927887486636033
Death was literally afraid to go NEAR Sisyphus at one point. He is the only Greek hero widely reputed to be much, much smarter than Odysseus.
Which makes him pretty damn smart. https://twitter.com/pocketcsnerd/status/1341927887486636033
So, when he was alive, Sisyphus was a pretty cool dude. Founder and first king of Corinth, founder of a Pan-Hellenic sporting event called the Isthmian Games (something you do while waiting for the next Olympics). Grandson of the god Aeolus, grandfather of the hero Bellerophon.
But Sisyphus was also just a sharp son-of-a-wind-god. Example: the time he caught the famous cattle thief Autolycus. Who happened to be the grandfather of Odysseus.
Autolycus never met a herd of cattle that he didn’t want to steal. He loved eating steak on someone else’s tab.
Autolycus never met a herd of cattle that he didn’t want to steal. He loved eating steak on someone else’s tab.
But Sisyphus was aware that Autolycus had a tendency to visit the pasture in the dead of night, and was notorious for beating any wall, guard, dog or other security measure you might put in place. No matter what you did, you’d wake up one morning and your cows were gone.
Taking this into account, Sisyphus decided not to bother with security measures. He just called in a farrier and had him give the cows iron shoes, like a horse.
Very special iron shoes. Each one had a message engraved into the bottom: the tracks said “AUTOLYCHIS STOLE ME.”
Very special iron shoes. Each one had a message engraved into the bottom: the tracks said “AUTOLYCHIS STOLE ME.”
So Autolycus, unable to resist these well-fattened cows, drives off the whole herd in the dead of night. And of course, because it’s the dead of night, he can’t see the cattle tracks or the bottoms of their feet clearly.
Also, he’s in a hurry.
Also, he’s in a hurry.
The next morning, Sisyphus gets up, has a leisurely breakfast, and follows the tracks of his cows over hill and dale and through several other pastures full of other people’s cows...straight to the backyard barbecue that Autolycus is planning.
Catches the thief dead to rights.
Catches the thief dead to rights.
Clever as he is, though, all men are mortal and born to die. And eventually Sisyphus shuffles down to Tartarus. However, being dead doesn’t suit him! So he tricks Thanatos, the god of death, into some kind of bondage scene. Ties him up and HIDES the God of Death from everyone.
There are certain implications here. When you kidnap the God of Death...Death stops happening. Everywhere. To everything. Bacteria. Junebugs. Fashion trends. NOTHING WILL DIE.
This...is not good. The gods are very upset. They’re searching desperately for Thanatos everywhere.
This...is not good. The gods are very upset. They’re searching desperately for Thanatos everywhere.
And just as things are getting really crazy, Sisyphus says, “Yanno...if you let me return to the Land of the Living, I could tell you where to find him.”
Ares eventually rescues Death. They are work friends.
Upshot of this story: Sisyphus strolls out of Hell a living man.
Ares eventually rescues Death. They are work friends.
Upshot of this story: Sisyphus strolls out of Hell a living man.
So Sisyphus goes back to living, ruling Corinth, eating steak and spending time with his family, including his awesome wife. And he lives a looooong time, because Thanatos is traumatized and avoids him for several decades.
But eventually, he dies again, and he’s back down below.
But eventually, he dies again, and he’s back down below.
When a great human king dies, it’s a big event in Hell. All the games, rites, and sacrifices that are offered to the dead are received in Hell—they are part of the wealth of the chthonic gods.
But for SOME reason, the Queen doesn’t hold a funeral for Sisyphus. Which is strange.
But for SOME reason, the Queen doesn’t hold a funeral for Sisyphus. Which is strange.
The gods of the underworld are looking at each other and shuffling their feet and it’s SUPER awkward.
No feast? No sacrifices?
Not only will there not be a beautiful elegy and a hecatomb of cattle sacrificed...there’s not even going to be a limerick and a hotdog?
For a king?
No feast? No sacrifices?
Not only will there not be a beautiful elegy and a hecatomb of cattle sacrificed...there’s not even going to be a limerick and a hotdog?
For a king?
And Sisyphus is just standing there, the man of the hour, without so much as a barbecued rat for a funeral feast, and the wife of Hades goes to him quietly and asks what happened.
Sisyphus is visibly distraught. “I thought my wife knew what to do! I took it for granted!”
Sisyphus is visibly distraught. “I thought my wife knew what to do! I took it for granted!”
And he starts wailing that if only he’s spent more time teaching her these rites and rituals, of course Hades would get his due. And he only wishes he could go back for long enough to teach her how to give a proper funeral. Just a quick explanation and a shopping list is all!
And Persephone, being a kind-hearted woman (a.k.a. “A sucker”), sends him back the the land of the living to teach his wife how to host a funeral.
Reader...he did not teach his wife how to host a funeral. Sisyphus just went back to Corinth and went back to living.
AGAIN.
Reader...he did not teach his wife how to host a funeral. Sisyphus just went back to Corinth and went back to living.
AGAIN.
Anyway. Once again Thanatos drags his feet for as long as possible before going to collect this awful man. But by the time Sisyphus dies the third time, Zeus has to become personally involved.
He HAS to make an example of Sisyphus. If he doesn’t, the gods are in serious trouble.
He HAS to make an example of Sisyphus. If he doesn’t, the gods are in serious trouble.
If people keep repeating all these stories about Sisyphus beating up Death or tricking the gods for extra lives...no one is going to take death, or the underworld, or the gods seriously.
Zeus cannot have this. He needs to change the narrative. Bring back the FEAR of the divine.
Zeus cannot have this. He needs to change the narrative. Bring back the FEAR of the divine.
So he comes up with the most famous hellish eternal punishment of all time: the Rock.
And most people to this day, if you mention Sisyphus, only shudder and think, “Poor bastard.”
No one remembers Sisyphus and thinks, “Death has a glass jaw and Persephone is an easy mark!”
And most people to this day, if you mention Sisyphus, only shudder and think, “Poor bastard.”
No one remembers Sisyphus and thinks, “Death has a glass jaw and Persephone is an easy mark!”
