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The 1st Xmas after my Dad and Stepmom married (1987), I was so upset. Our tree, which had a Santa tree topper and therefore had always looked like he was dumping toys and candy onto the tree, did not look like that. I was 12 and everything hurt and was hard.
I’d no issue with making room for the traditions my stepmom and stepsisters brought to our lives, I just didn’t think it would change things.
(I mean, hormones. Divorce. A mom who was in the grips of a gruesome downward spiral on so many levels. I wasn’t exactly thinking as clearly as I do today as an old lady.)
I was so upset. I didn’t know what to do with all those feelings of abject sadness. We Sheas are not a people for whom the indulgence of feelings is a regular thing; like so many Irish, we bury it down deep AF.
I went outside and stood in the middle of our street. My childhood home looks fairly grand from where it sits, up on a hill, 120+ years old, big open front porch in one of the earliest neighborhoods of Joliet.
I stood there, staring at our house, at everyone inside, decorating and carrying on. I could see the tree taking shape, as it were, and it wasn’t the same, but objectively it was still quite lovely.
My Dad realized I was out there and joined me. He draped his big, Irish arm around my shoulder and listened to me. And, like always, said, “Yup. It’s different. And life is hard, kid. You need to get used to it.
“But if you can find a way to get back inside with everyone else, and find some good in the new, you’ll be ok.”
My Dad does not believe in the wallow; you get on with it. You learn. You persevere. That’s served me well at times; poorly at others.
Here is what I’m trying to say: often we are forced into circumstances beyond our control that make demands of our character and fortitude.
This holiday season is wretched for so many of us; I’m beyond anything I can tell you that I’m not going to be with my parents and sister.
But I’ve been down this road before, and I’m here to tell you: it’s all ok. Look for the good where you can. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others; even those who are behaving like nincompoops.
Just get back inside. You’ll be ok.
