Read on Twitter
It’s just me and my dad this Christmas so there will be plenty to tweet about. Consider this a thread
We are starting off quite easy with my father eating a mouldy orange and using fetish in a sentence about an app so it’s been an eventful first hour
“Obvious rule. If anyone is in the toilet, keep the door shut.”
He then proceeds to take a random picture of me on the sofa for no reason (although last time I was here I woke up to him taking a pic while I was asleep which is 100% more alarming)
He then proceeds to take a random picture of me on the sofa for no reason (although last time I was here I woke up to him taking a pic while I was asleep which is 100% more alarming)
Paul has had 3 cups of coffee all before 11 which means we are operating on pretty much opposite frequencies atm.
Pro, though - breakfast and a cup of tea was waiting for me when I got out of bed. It’s like if Michael Scott decided to run an Airbnb
Pro, though - breakfast and a cup of tea was waiting for me when I got out of bed. It’s like if Michael Scott decided to run an Airbnb
“Do you want a quick word with phoebe? ... you don’t want a quick word? Okay.”
That’s fine, uncle mark. No one wants to speak to you, either. Defo got the better twin as a father
That’s fine, uncle mark. No one wants to speak to you, either. Defo got the better twin as a father
“Dad, what’s the pin for the tv planner?”
“Why, do you want to watch the porn channels?”
Why is he like this? Why? All I wanted was to watch a fleetwood Mac documentary
“Why, do you want to watch the porn channels?”
Why is he like this? Why? All I wanted was to watch a fleetwood Mac documentary
So, Paul has made a timetable for tomorrow. This is obviously fine and relatively normal. He has, however, specifically put “open wine” at 2 because we obviously have to “let it breathe”
He said I’ve been good today so we will have cheese after dinner. I’m frankly not too fussed about eating cheese this evening, but I’ll eat it cause I declined yesterday and I think I hurt his soul a little bit
Had the family zoom where my siblings betrayed me and told my dad about this thread. Now he will not stop asking me to unblock him from twitter. Livid.
Re: the stuffing balls
Paul - “those are some big balls!!
No one has ever said that to me before”
The man must be stopped
Paul - “those are some big balls!!
No one has ever said that to me before”
The man must be stopped
Paul just said that Slade were his idols growing up as a teen in the 70s. You know, the band who’s only famous song is Merry Xmas everybody
Paul thinks he can write lyrics for a song. Naturally, I have challenged him and told him that if he completes this challenge, I shall put music to it. Expect our album to come out in a couple of years
