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A CORONAVIRUS CAROL
(A Christmas Thread)
Marley was dead.
As dead as a doornail.
Or an iPhone after fifteen minutes without charging.
His granddaughter, Little Maisie, had given him a hug when his family dropped off his Christmas presents.
So basically, this was all her fault...
(A Christmas Thread)
Marley was dead.
As dead as a doornail.
Or an iPhone after fifteen minutes without charging.
His granddaughter, Little Maisie, had given him a hug when his family dropped off his Christmas presents.
So basically, this was all her fault...
“But it’s only one day!” Bob Cratchit implored, huddling over his candle for warmth. “It was supposed to be five.’
“Bah humbug!” growled Scrooge. “That’s a poor excuse to pick a man’s pockets every December 25th! Well, be here all the earlier the next day - and no board games!”
“Bah humbug!” growled Scrooge. “That’s a poor excuse to pick a man’s pockets every December 25th! Well, be here all the earlier the next day - and no board games!”
Scrooge made his slow, silent, solitary way home that night.
The dark, dank London streets were cold and empty - partly because Ebenezer Scrooge was the most hated man in the whole of London Town, but mainly because they were in Tier 4.
The dark, dank London streets were cold and empty - partly because Ebenezer Scrooge was the most hated man in the whole of London Town, but mainly because they were in Tier 4.
As Scrooge approached his front door, he noticed something unusual...
A large box on the doorstep addressed to his neighbour.
“Bah, Hermes!” he muttered
as he slowly bent down, picked it up and threw it in the spare room with all the others.
A large box on the doorstep addressed to his neighbour.
“Bah, Hermes!” he muttered
as he slowly bent down, picked it up and threw it in the spare room with all the others.
Scrooge sat alone in his living room with only a gas lamp and five hundred toilet rolls for company.
Suddenly an eerie figure appeared before him...
Suddenly an eerie figure appeared before him...
“Is that you, Jacob?” asked Scrooge, cowering behind his armchair.
“No,” replied the pale, wild-eyed creature standing before him. “It is I, Dominic Cummings.”
“But why have you chosen to visit me on this cold dark night?” Scrooge enquired nervously.
“Barnard Castle was closed.”
“No,” replied the pale, wild-eyed creature standing before him. “It is I, Dominic Cummings.”
“But why have you chosen to visit me on this cold dark night?” Scrooge enquired nervously.
“Barnard Castle was closed.”
“I came to warn you to change your ways!” cried Cummings “I was once like you, a controlling miserly arsehole”
“Nonsense!” said Scrooge “You were a man of government!”
“MANKIND WAS MY GOVERNMENT!” howled Cummings
“What does that mean?”
“No idea but it’ll sound great on SKY news!”
“Nonsense!” said Scrooge “You were a man of government!”
“MANKIND WAS MY GOVERNMENT!” howled Cummings
“What does that mean?”
“No idea but it’ll sound great on SKY news!”
“I don’t believe you!” Scrooge screamed at the ghost of Dominic Cummings. “You’re just a figment of my imagination! There’s more of gravy train than of grave about you.”
“Notwithstanding,” continued the ghost of Dominic Cummings. “Tonight you will be visited by three spirits. You can expect the first at midnight, the second at one o’clock, and the third at two. Although there may be an extension of up to three years if we can’t agree terms.”