[ twitter user ventiskull plays Hades: a thread ]

I am in as early as Zagreus' bedroom and you can immediately tell he's single and a virgin

"darkness, give me strength" ok Greek Sasuke (tm)

I've already watched Sasu play so I have some idea of what's going on but the skeleton in Tartarus with the New Jersey accent is still peak fucking comedy to me

LISTEN I know enough from my time on social media but nobody told me Dionysus is essentially just a caricature of some hippie at a Coachella selling weed. Oh my god

You're telling me all Hades is gonna be doing in this game is his fucking Excel spreadsheets

What exactly is Achilles just Standing Over There For? To look pretty? Because I agree

Damn mad f's to the realm of Tartarus for apparently being on the short end of state infrastructural funding

[Bobby Berk shows up to the realm of Tartaus] and here we repainted the walls an eggshell white to give it a homier, wider feel

Let me get this straight so what this video game is about is??? Basically a bunch of Zagreus' weird relatives helping him move out of his shithead father's stuffy house??????

"get in the chariot loser we're finding you a duplex"

SON OF A BITCH

Why is Hades like this. Go to therapy you ancient bitch

Sounds like the twitter experience lol

Achilles having the moniker "forgotten hero" is so funny to me like. Forgotten???? Are you kidding me the LGBT won't shut up about this man

Poseidon looks like Serj Tankian lol

OK goodbye I'm still not done prepping for noche buena but god bless this was very enjoyable Soulsplaying made me impervious to the frustration of dying but this is better because every time you die you've got friends back at home going "it do be like that" and giving you gifts

So I'm back to playing this in my free time after weeks of doing adult shit; every time I die I feel like I'm obligated to talk to Hades and then I was like, damn, he really do be sounding like every underpaid, grumpy government office worker I've spoken to

HADES: saying whatever depressing shit he says to Zagreus
ME: damn this sure sounds like that guy at the tax office just waiting for lunch break

If anyone cares I'm holding steadfast to my oath of playing this game as blindly and as stupidly as I can like. Pick a skill??? Damn I ain't reading all that but I hope this one's cool he he

Also last night I encountered Meg for the first time (yeah I play slow, I'm old leave me alone) and I understand why every lesbian I know acts like an unhinged lunatic over her voice, good on the lesbian community I am so happy for you, what a woman

[oopsie sorry I forgot I had a thread I'm just going to dump it all here please feel free to mute]

Is there any sort of personality quiz that goes "what kind of homosexual are you based on your favorite Hades weapon" because mine is Coronacht and I'm at the stage where I stubbornly refuse to use anything else but instinctively I just feel like this is the most useful one

Against my will I now understand how this game works and thus I have no choice but to actually pay attention to the boons I'm taking and the shit I'm buying, what the fuck

Clearing the Hydra with 3 HP

I HAVE REACHED ELYSIUM WHERE ARE THE GAYS!!!!!!!!!

2-minute dank meme I'm about to strangle some mfs

Theseus is so fucking oily I'm going to fry his ass

TGIF BOYS!!!!

I FINALLY MET HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!

Omg the snorting sound Asterius makes,,,,,

OK but wait Asterius moving the stadium is so fucking funny he's power-walking aksjdhfjsdh

Nvm I just got reverse matador'd @ Asterius

Why are you running!!!! WHY ARE YOU RUNNING!!!!! SIR PLEASE I JUST WANNA TREAT YOU RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bro I cannot wait to meet Theseus so I can breakdance over his corpse

Tiffany Pollard voice SIOUXSIE SIOUX??????

Wait... Did I just beat Asterius or did the lunch break bell just ring

LMAOOOO THIS MAN NOT GOING A MINUTE OVERTIME LMAOOOOO

LET'S FUCKIN GO BABY I KNOW THE LAW

BASKJDFHJDSHF I HAD TO PAUSE THIS MF REALLY JUST WENT "TO ALL WHO CAME TO SEE US FIGHT, THANK YOU!!!" MAN WILL YOU SHUT UP

I got to the part where you can check out all the paper work in Hades and I can't believe the narrator is calling Zagreus a NEET

Aaaa????? BOYFRIEND????????????

Than's music............. I can't explain it but it sounds gay

Mf??? Patroclus gives you a FULL replenish of death defiances???? THAT'S THE POWER OF GAY LOVE

OK it's 1 am I got my ass beat in the damn arena twice I can't stand this blond bitch yelling all over the place

OK one last thing bdfjdhds I feel bad bc first time I met Than I started shooting him thinking it was a boss fight and then I saw the kill count status on the top left

Bro I am absolutely living for the petty office squabbles in this game I can't believe the House of Hades is essentially just the IRS

I'm starting to understand the appeal of this game in that I don't always have to make it to the end sometimes you just wanna fuck around in a chaos gate.

HYPNOS WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

Against my will I have figured out how to make a good build

Did Theseus just call Zagreus "preconceived stain",,,,, bro did he just call him jizz,,,,,,,,,,,,,

He just said "you unwelcome pustule" I had to pause mid-fight why is he so funny akjdsjfisdjf

NOOOO OH NOOO OH GOD OH SHIT OH FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WAIT OH THANK GOD

My build is brought to you by lesbians thank you Aphrodite and Athena

I'm paying better attention to the conversations now and I love that Hypnos is just talking shit indiscriminately without a single consequence. This man is on narcotics

Me restarting an escape attempt on Hades game

God not to be that guy but I got Ariadne's thread before going into the arena and Theseus goes on and on about his and Asterius' fight in the labyrinth with nary a half-spit about Ariadne these fucking morons are so married

My sole complaint about Hades game is that I cannot give Asterius nectar. The sheer magnitude of DESPAIR this makes me feel

Same with Theseus but like. Idk I'll give him some nectar if I'm allowed to crack the bottle over his skull

Y'all I love hanging out at chaos wells so much it makes me feel some type of thing it's so peaceful I want to go to sleep here

I cannot believe Thanatos' theme song is titled "Last Words"

Tfw Thanatos is mad at you, won't let you give nectar, keeps vanishing before you can talk to him

HAKSJDFHJDSHF Zag just said "Asterius and... other guy" LMAOOO

Theseus??? BELITTLING ME????? JOKE'S ON YOU ASSHOLE I GET OFF ON THAT

Sounds a lil saucy if you ask me

Did Thanatos just whisper "I got you"

Bffghfgf unlocked part of the codex where it says Theseus allegedly got Asterius out of Erebus out of pity but Achilles suspects it's something else...................... Whatever could it be

Buying boons from Charon and other instances of hearing Olympian gods talk about the Cthonic gods is always funny because of the WAY the Olympians talk about them like they're the weird hill-billy hardcore Protestant side of the family and also because I can relate.

Having an Ares build is like. Haha beyblade go bRrrRrrrRRR

I HATE IT HERE

Tfw he buries it in balls deep then yells "now die!" fellas wyd

This is not a live-tweet but I'm thinking about how most of my interactions from last night's run were gods gushing about Achilles and sending him his greetings and w/e and like. If y'all like him so much reunite him with his MAN you useless fucks

Me watching Asterius yoink into Theseus because I have Aphrodite Unhealthy Fixation boon

ALSO LIKE. My non-native English speaking ass having a moment finding out after YEARS of hearing "blaggard" in Western media that it is apparently written as "blackguard"

Brb crying I finally got Hypnos his autograph from Asterius I want MY autograph and short message on parchment from Asterius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BRO I DON'T CARE HOW FAR I'M GONNA MAKE IT THIS RUN I WANNA GIVE HYPNOS HIS AUTOGRAPH!!!!!!!!!!

I love Hypnos so much he's like that one weird skinny friend of you who's always stoned on Ambien and is into obscure music genres like warehouse brutalcore EDM or whatever the fuck and turns out he's also apparently a huge fan of Stonecold Steve Austin for some reason

Hypnos skipping out on work so he can watch WWE steel cage matches from a scrying pool in the underworld

[Hypnos voice] IT'S JOHN CENA!!!

Btw do we get to see Asterius' penmanship + the little bull he appears to have drawn on his autograph for Hypnos?

Me fucking around in chaos wells taking suspiciously harmful boons from Chaos