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I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes. Christmas is all around me, and so the feeling grows. It’s written in the wind, everywhere I go. So if you really love Christmas, come on and let it snow.
There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?
D-uh!
D-uh!
Thank you sir! I did have an awful premonition I was gonna fuck it up on my first day.
I should just go to America. I could a girlfriend there immediately!
This DJ, what do you reckon? Worst DJ in history?
Do you think everybody knows?
Yes.
Do you think Karl knows?
Yeeeees.
Yes.
Do you think Karl knows?
Yeeeees.
So if you believe in Father Christmas, children, like your uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record.
And particularly enjoy the incredible crassness of the moment when we try to squeeze an extra syllable into the fourth line.
Get a grip. People hate sissies. No one’s gonna shag you if you cry all the time.
Worse than the total agony of being in love?
Alone again. Naturally.
You know, being prime minister, I could just have him killed. The SAS are absolutely charming. Ruthless trained killers are just a phone call away.
Oh yeah, hi kids. Here’s an important message from your uncle Bill. Don’t do drugs. Become a pop star and they give you them for free!
The problem with being the prime minister’s sister is it puts your life in a rather harsh perspective. What did my brother do today? He stood up and fought for his country. What did I do? Made a papier-mâché lobster head.
Sometimes scary, sometimes not. Mainly scary how bad the writing is.
Banoffee pie?
It’s a ... self preservation thing, you see.
Girls love musicians, right? Even the weird ones get girlfriends.
That’s right. Meatloaf definitely got laid at least once. Ringo married a Bond Girl, for god sakes.
That’s right. Meatloaf definitely got laid at least once. Ringo married a Bond Girl, for god sakes.
Life is full of interruptions and complications.
Between the two of us we’ll find the answer and it won’t hurt anymore.
Would you like it ... gift wrapped?
Can we be quite quick?
Ah yes, it’ll be ready in the flashiest of flashes.
Ah yes, it’ll be ready in the flashiest of flashes.
America, watch out! Here comes Colin Frisell, and he’s got a big knob!
The thing that’s gonna make it crowded? Harriet.
Harriet? There’s a fourth one. Praise the lord.
Harriet? There’s a fourth one. Praise the lord.
All I want for Christmas is ... you.
Right! Thank you. Lovely.
Right! Thank you. Lovely.
I hate uncle Jamie!
Hi babe, how’s it going? Is it all party party party down there?
As much as it grieves me to say it, it may be the people I love are in fact, you.
Come on, let’s get pissed and watch porn.
Are you singing carols? Please sir, please!
8 is a lot of legs, David!
Catch a falling star and put in your pocket, save it for a rainy day.
All I want for Christmas is yooooooooouuuuu! And you, and you, and you, and you....
What do we do now?
Ah. Smile, and bow. And little wave.
Ah. Smile, and bow. And little wave.
Oh god, I’m so low. A classic fool.
Yes but you’ve also made a fool of me. And made foolish the life I lead.
Yes but you’ve also made a fool of me. And made foolish the life I lead.
Okay, let’s go. Let’s get the shit kicked out of us by love.
Joanna?
Sam?
I thought you didn’t know my name.
Of course I do!
Oh Jesus, I’ve got to run.
Sam?
I thought you didn’t know my name.
Of course I do!
Oh Jesus, I’ve got to run.
Beautiful Aurelia, I’ve come here with a view to asking you to marriage me.
Thank you, that will be nice. Yes is be my answer. Easy question.
You learned English?
Just in cases.
Just in cases.
Jamie’s friends are so good looking. He never tells me this. Maybe I make wrong choice, pick wrong Englishman.
I’m fine. I’m fine.
