Read on Twitter
Ok let’s talk about how toxic social media psychology gets when talking about toxicity and healing. I see this trend of talking about toxic folks and healing, which although needed, may be sending the wrong messages 
First off:
We are all a work in progress. We all have different toxic traits we have developed, often as a way to cope. We all have flaws. We all heal and better ourselves in different ways and at different speeds. None of this is necessarily linear.
We are all a work in progress. We all have different toxic traits we have developed, often as a way to cope. We all have flaws. We all heal and better ourselves in different ways and at different speeds. None of this is necessarily linear.
The impression that I get from a lot of the pop psych gurus on twitter is that you need a to get a whole and healed person before being in a relationship. Or that finding your wholeness is something that has to be done on your own, sorta in a bootstrap fashion.
This isn’t realistic and I think can leave people feeling unworthy or disgusted with themselves if they slide back into old ways of thinking or old habits. I have certainly felt this way during the pandemic.
Like I’m “too much” for people, I’ll just be a burden on someone, I’m too “negative”(which I absolutely used to be too negative because of poison from my parents, but I have improved so much), that I’m not good enough because I can’t let certain things go, etc.
Also the focus on self-care on this website is totally wonky. Community care and self-care are supposed to go hand and hand. The lack of community care imo is largely responsible for the lack of self care and emotional stability in people during this pandemic.
I feel like our lack of good communication skills makes us create these one-size fits all tweets about boundaries like “Always do X or you are a horrible friend.” Or the misuse of the term “emotional labor”. Boundaries are not one size fits all. Life is too complicated for that.
But honestly because of those tweets and because of my own insecurities and being a 2w1(lol) I end up getting paranoid that I’m a terrible friend. At the same time, I feel afraid to let other friends know when I need a little more care or have other needs I would like to discuss-
Because I’m afraid of coming off as needy for being open about my feelings and what I need/want from a friendship.
I also feel like this kind of self-help twt influencer shit also puts undue anxiety on those who struggle w/ mental illness. There has to be a way to communicate the need for boundaries without tweets that right off the bat call certain ppl toxic instead of certain actions.
Are there people who have along strings of toxic behavior to the point where we would label them as toxic? Yes. But let’s save that label for when it’s appropriate. Because the language we use can discourage people who want to be better but don’t know where to start.
Anyways those are my thoughts on this for the evening. I hope someone finds them helpful. Idk just been on my mind a lot.
