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Persecutor thread!
Top tips from a persecutor on how to get along with the grouchy, disruptive, destructive or downright malevolent folks in your head crew
#pluralgang #pluralpunk
Top tips from a persecutor on how to get along with the grouchy, disruptive, destructive or downright malevolent folks in your head crew
#pluralgang #pluralpunk
First off, a disclaimer that I am one persecutor, and everyone's different, so ymmv. Also, I get not everyone likes the word "persecutor". Basically, this is for whoever feels it's relevant to them. Use your own words to describe yourself.
1) outlets. We need outlets for our energy. I don't know if others realise, but that explosive anger, than cold rage? Carrying that around is exhausting. Help us find healthy ways to decompress.
2) get to know what sort of energy/ behaviour you're carrying- is it scrutinising, structuring energy? Is it loud, aggressive energy? There's no one-size-fits-all. You need to tailor your approach to the specific qualities of your headmate
3) when finding outlets, don't prescribe what *you* think is helpful. Let them suggest. I *hate* being told to relax. I hate having fun. I don't want to listen to a nice playlist. I want to do 40 press ups.
4) figure out what your "normal" looks like. I tried making myself positive for the others. It was horrible. I didn't feel like myself any more. I need to find a comfortable level of grim where I am supporting from my zone, in my element, but in a constructive way
5) that said, give us space to be vulnerable if we want to. The first time I asked someone for help, I broke down crying from relief. I'd never felt able to come down from hypervigilance before and trust someone. Demonstrate that we can trust you.
6) if we do get vulnerable, reassure us that things are being handled well in absence of our vigilance. When I relax, I need to know that we are gonna be able to handle life for a short while without me needing to jump in at a moment's notice.
7) set clear boundaries. No means no. Be absolutely clear in your self worth, don't take shit. If we try and test you and try and start a fight, trust yourself to stand your ground. Holding people accountable for their behaviour is a sign of love and respect.
8) be really explicit and vocal about what's happening. Disrupt the logic of our dodgy processes. Say what needs to change. Offer clear alternatives. We are often very ethically minded, principled people who apply our ideals badly and never got a chance to learn any other way
9) be vocal when things go well. Find common ground. Encourage growth, encourage finding ways to apply your skills to healthier causes. Maybe your icey critic can write really strong letters to asshat landlords on behalf of other members in your tenant's union
10) if you need to challenge us but feel scared, enlist the help of several people in your crew and work together to de-escalate things. Make safety plans. Protect the vulnerable in your crew. You got this.
11) building trust takes time. Be consistent. Set hard boundaries where you need to. Make lots of space for feedback. Be open to mistakes.
12) and be open to who we might turn into when we don't have to carry on the same bullshit any more. There is so much more to life than causing grief and pain. Discovering that is beautiful, healing, empowering and devastatingly strange. Be there for us if that happens
