I had a panic attack today. I know why it happened, and what was happening as it happened. Still sucks, was scary and I’d rather not again.

This is a reminder that you are trying to stay alive during a global pandemic. You’re not always going to be OK - and that’s OK.

I knew what to do because I’ve had them before. At first I felt horrible because I’d “slipped.” No, I’m a person under an extraordinary amount of stress, and so are you.

The SAMHSA line is always free and always open. No shame in asking for help if you need it https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

Your state probably has one too. Here’s NJ’s different resources https://www.state.nj.us/health/integratedhealth/hotlines/index.shtml

Here’s a panic attack story: I was in a bad way in 2018. I was trying to live somewhere new, and had a series of panic attacks very early in the morning.

I didn’t want to lie there anymore, so I got up and did my work very early then looked for something to do until my therapist’s office opened.

A new Avenger’s movie was opening that day, and the local theater had an early show. Hooray! I could go to the movies, watch some superheros be superheros, and then call my therapist to figure out what to do.

You know which Avengers movie it was?

Infinity War.

Spoiler alert: EVERYBODY DIES.

I cannot stress this enough: DO NOT SEE A MOVIE WHERE PEOPLE TURN TO DUST IF YOU’RE HAVING PANIC ATTACKS.

Everybody walked out of that theater dazed. I went into my car called my therapist and started sobbing.

I’ve re-watched it once since (before Endgame came out) but walked out of the room at that part.

Anywho, I’ve done work to get better, but it’s not a wall that can hold out whatever it is we’re doing now.

I don’t feel ashamed for what happened today. I share it because I hope it helps someone else out there too.

Also on a slighty other topic: don’t ever assume that childfree people are just la de dahing around, learning new hobbies or whatever. A lot of us are caregivers too, which I *know* is where part of this comes from.

Also, often unmarried people are part of famlies. I didn’t get excommunicaited becuase my siblings and I don’t live under the same roof anymore.

OK that’s enough thread drift, I’m going to go read a romance novel now.