Trying to imagine explaining what happens next to a politician from thirty years ago. "Oh, the current cabinet? Major's still around. Bit of an elder statesman. We found out about the affair - don't ask. He'll be PM for another seven years yet. Yes, I'm sober."

"Who became leader after him? Some young lad from the backbenches, you won't have heard of him. Michael Howard came back for a while, mostly forgotten. Heseltine? Clarke? Well, um. Both kicked out the party in the end, would you believe it?"

"And Labour? Well, like I said, it's Major in power for seven years. Kinnock won't last, obviously. Then Smith, no surprise. Then it's Blair - yeah, the young one with the good hair. PM for ten years. Fine except for the war crimes thing."

"War? Oh, yeah. They go into Iraq again. Long story. All about Afghanistan, really, they were in there too. But not because of the Soviets. Yes, I know you know it's all going down the pan with them, but ... it'll be more complicated."

"Where were we... oh yeah, politics. You won't have head of anyone around now. The current PM? He's a junior correspondent for the Telegraph with you. Opposition? Works for Liberty. Yes, you can guess which one's the Tory and which is Labour."

"The Lib Dems ... did about as well as the SDP in the long run. Junior partner in a coalition for five years, managed to get the blame for everything, back to being a footnote now. Bit sad. SNP run Scotland, though, so it's not all bad for the small parties."

"Is anyone else from the eighties still around? Well, a few are in the Lords. Norman Fowler! Really. Yes, the one who resigned. He's pretty active as Lord Speaker now. Yes, that's a thing now. We had reform, it just only got half-way."

"Basically, politics is now all about Europe. We decided to leave four years ago, then we did, but we didn't, and we're going to, but we can't agree how, and now it's the great binding clusterfuck that absorbs everything. Brought down two PMs so far and working on a third."

"Oh, and there's a pandemic. I guess you didn't know to ask about that, fair enough. The PM cancelled Christmas at the weekend. Yes, sorry, those words mean the same thing now."

"Scotland. The SNP. Yeah. We got a parliament, and everything sort of snowballed from there. Didn't vote for independence, but don't place any long bets. It's not about oil money any more, though! Oh, speaking of money, we nationalised the Scottish banks."

"Northern Ireland worked out OK, though. Peace agreed, Stormont's been back for twenty years, Paisley and McGuinness ran it as a double act for a while. Yes, those guys. Got suspended for a few years, last time was about energy policy. Yes, nothing more exciting."

"Economic policy? Well, we had three crashes since you, then ten years of cuts, and now the Chancellor has been throwing money around like there's no tomorrow. Yeah, a Tory, why do you ask?" https://twitter.com/SAThevoz/status/1341444914706583561

"Foreign affairs... well, our relation with Europe is complicated, no surprise. But the EEC did well; it's the Union now. NATO runs up to the Russian border; sent troops into Yugoslavia in the nineties, and Afghanistan later, I mentioned that?"

"Okay, last week we did threaten to send the Navy in to try and resolve a dispute with France about fishing rights, and they've closed the borders, but - look, I know you don't believe me, but *you* asked about it, okay?"

"America? Look, you definitely wouldn't believe me if I tried to explain what's going on there ... look, next question please."

"Public ownership isn't as big an issue as you'd think any more. Pretty much everything got privatised, and then this year we sort of accidentally renationalised the railways and no-one noticed."

"The coal mines went in the nineties - you were expecting that - but they mostly got shut in the end anyway. Don't really use much coal any more. Everyone's an environmentalist, by your standards."

"Generally, it's a lot less Future than you're thinking, though. The cars stay on the ground, and the clothes are less neon than they were. We do all have mobile telephones. And we do all make video calls, though ... uh, maybe not quite by choice."

"Oh, yeah, some of your other politicians keep showing up like bad pennies, all these years on." https://twitter.com/petertimmins3/status/1341351688083558401?s=19