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10 yrs ago today Congress voted to end #DontAskDontTell, which lifted the policy 9 months later (apparently DoD needed time for "implementation"). Truly a day worth remembering. But it's still for many of us more bitter than sweet.
I remember that day in December 2010. I was just a week or so home from a tough deployment (my 2nd of 3) at outposts in Paktia province Afghanistan. It was a terrible readjustment coming home to NYC. My world felt upside down.
I remember during that 2010 deployment watching the DFAC tv on our tiny base tuned to news where leaders of national VSOs said ending #DontAskDontTell would hurt the military. Even as I was dealing w/ all worlds of difficulties in a deeply toxic command environment.
That deployment was terrible. I was planning missions where Taliban attacked our convoys & even our tiny base. And I faced a toxic, hateful internal command climate while doing so. While veteran "leaders" on what little national tv I could watch were doubling down on that harm.
Suffice to say I have many stories from that deployment & coming home. But a bright spot for me was when @iava took a stand as the only national VSO to call for repeal of #DontAskDontTell. And wow did they take blowback for going against what older, larger VSOs were saying.
On this day in 2010, repealing #DontAskDontTell was a HUGE deal. It was unpopular among mil & vets. It was seen as "too much." IAVA got barraged with hate for taking a stand. I remember. Because I lived it. I couldn't believe the Senate finally allowed vote to happen on Dec 22.
I'm ever grateful for @PatrickMurphyPA for taking a stand in the House when he didn't have to. He saw something that was profoundly harmful to the Army he loved & he used his office to say "ENOUGH." He did this as 1st post-9/11 vet elected to Congress. https://twitter.com/PatrickMurphyPA/status/1336047689981702144?s=20
2010 was the hardest job I've ever done in the Army & it was also such a culmination of the feeling of betrayal that #DontAskDontTell represented & that I saw echoed by many veterans orgs. I clearly remember those who stood up then in defense of equality. And I'm grateful.
But these last 10 years have been short on reconciliation. Those who opposed repeal 10 yrs ago seem far more invested in having us forget the harm they did than to make it right. Or even to issue an apology for #DontAskDontTell or the even more harmful policies preceding it.
On my third Afghanistan deployment in 2012, a toxic commander took me aside to lecture me on how #DontAskDontTell hadn't even been a real policy. "No one ever really cared," he told me, implying that the discrimination I'd faced had never been real at all.
I know many of y'all have stories. There are so many stories. I have so many more stories about #DontAskDontTell. Please tweet your stories if you're able & willing. Shout them out for the folks who are trying to paper over how bad this was.
Today I'm remembering how back in 1994 the one female drill sgt we had when Army was piloting gender-integrated basic training announced to us that the day homosexuals are allowed to serve in the Army would be the day she'd leave the Army. She likely retired well before 2010.
Today I'm remembering the spark to change the culture of violence & hatred against LGBTQ troops was the vicious murder of Allen Schindler by his own shipmates in 1992. It was worse than we even remember. https://www.nytimes.com/1993/09/12/magazine/what-the-navy-taught-allen-schindler-s-mother.html
Today I'm remembering how after I'd served 5 yrs in the Army Reserve & was proud to be an NCO in my unit, I read about Barry Winchell being beaten to death w/ a baseball bat by his fellow soldiers at Ft Campbell. Winchell had been dating a transwoman. https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2000/05/kentucky-murder-200005
Today I'm remembering the soldier I met in my first month at Ft Drum who was being chaptered out under #DontAskDontTell after being sent home from Afghanistan deployment. While deployed, his sgt had rifled thru his private letters & found one from his boyfriend back home.
The soldier was living in my barracks at Ft Drum, where one night he got a phone call from someone threatening to kill him. He couldn't wait to finalize out processing & leave the Army for good.
I saw a handful of other soldiers chaptered out under #DontAskDontTell during my 3 yrs at Ft Drum. I don't even know the details of the stories bc I was afraid to ask questions & even be a support to those soldiers. We were afraid to even talk to each other.
Today I'm remembering an Army National Guard captain I once met who told me how she'd been a convoy cdr in Afghanistan & her team had been thru attacks & IEDs, then she spent months under investigation for discharge under #DontAskDontTell, even as she continued daily convoy ops.
These 10 years on, we have veterans who are still absolutely broken from #DontAskDontTell & terrible anti-LGBTQ policies that came earlier. Wrongful discharges. Betrayals by colleagues & leaders. Betrayals by VSOs. Denials of benefits. Denials they are even veterans.
Today is a great day to listen & uplift these stories. And to remember w/ clear vision how harmful, coercive, violent & absolutely awful #DontAskDontTell was. It wasn't something to be joked about. Our military bled out talent & destroyed the lives of people who wanted to serve.
