Tonight is 3rd night of no sleep since I went into a #LTC in #onhealth with 100s of #COVID + residents, almost no staff. So far, my other LTCs have avoided outbreaks, but what I witnessed yesterday is needing words I don't have. My brain can't rest, and I think I'm in shock. 1

I'm not even tearful. I'm not afraid for myself tho yes the conditions were not good & xmas w elderly parents is cancelled for sure now. I am just ... Hypervigilant. I woke up after a couple hrs of sleep, having "dreamt" of another catastrophe. 2/

What I think my brain is ruminating on is how many levels have gone wrong here.
This isn't an individual's fault, this is just so damn systemic.
And with the right resources and ppl in charge, given some power to leverage things, we could prob stop some deaths. 3/

But the system doesn't allow for that. And asking individuals to do more...and more...and more... While we are all trying to maintain their other responsibilities... This is why things are crashing and burning now.

It is traumatizing to say the least. 4/

The worst is that only those of us who share these experiences & work in the same environment, can empathize. Empathy is lacking as a whole in our society, but even among colleagues
BC it feels and is like a war environment. And that itself is shocking 9 mo in. 5/

At this point, it's too late to stop events or focus on who's responsible.
Mitigation is key, but requires leadership, ground knowledge, and support
I can say that the "boots on the ground" were women. All colours, various ages.
And yes, a few men. Physicians, nurses, PSWs.

The less pay = more BIPOC and female.

The ones without sleep or breaks?
Female.

I wish I took the contact of the RPN I worked w. She was one day new and a superstar.
A hero.

Maybe I'll cry at some point but right now, I wish I could sleep.

#onhealth #COVID19Ontario