Thread by @julia_fontana, On pregnancy and loss. A thread. Because someone needs to talk about [...]

On pregnancy and loss. A thread. Because someone needs to talk about this shit.

It's common wisdom that one should wait to share the news of a pregnancy until the 2nd trimester, when the risk of miscarriage has dropped significantly.

I disagree with that advice. Here's why.

It's isolating to keep the joy, the excitement, and the uncertainty of a recent pregnancy to yourself. Also, the first trimester can be H-A-R-D; you want to be able to ask for help and advice.

So fuck common wisdom, I say.

I shared the news of my first pregnancy early...

and did the same the second time around, now that we are expecting our third (we had twins before).

But... what if something goes wrong? What if you miscarry, and then have to disappoint everyone you've told?

Here's what.

At 15 weeks, we just found out our boy has a chromosomal abnormality, and have decided to interrupt the pregnancy.

I am heartbroken, so incredibly sad, and afraid of the procedure, but never did the thought 'I wish I hadn't told anyone' EVER cross my mind.

In fact, I'm incredibly relieved so many people in my life knew about the pregnancy. I actually wish I had told many more; I wish I had told EVERYONE.

Because the last thing I want is for this loss to go unshared, unnoticed, unrecorded.

I also think it would be very strange for people in my life not to know that I'm going through this. When you lose a family member, no one expects you to keep it to yourself. But in these cases, for some reason, we're supposed to grieve in silence.

I guess those who tell you not to share 'too soon' expect parents like us to go through our heartbreak alone. As if sadness was a thing to be ashamed of.

Perhaps they think we can pretend it never happened. But that's impossible. I will always remember this boy we never had.

And I know so many other people feel this way.

When I started sharing the sad news with my friends, I learned that a shocking amount of them had gone through something similar.

A few even told me they knew exactly what I meant when I said I felt my body had been trying to tell me something was off all along. Hearing that was SO helpful.

That's why I'm using Twitter in a way I never had, to encourage people to share. You don't need to do this alone.

I don't know how I'd be faring without the text messages that make me cry, and the phone calls that make me laugh, and the food deliveries that fill my heart. I feel so loved and connected and LUCKY.

I live in a country where this choice is available to me. I have health insurance that will (mostly) cover the costs, and doctors who know what they're doing. My heart breaks for all the people who face similar situations in less privileged positions.

So the least I can do is share, and encourage others to do the same. Because it helps. It really REALLY does.

And listen, I'm a misanthropic asshole. I think that people are the worst. But MY people? They are the best. And so are yours.

So lean on them. Trust them with your joys and your sorrows. They will not disappoint.

And if you don't share for your own good, share for other people's sake. This needs to stop being such a taboo.

So fuck common wisdom, I say. And talk about this shit.

Latest Threads Unrolled: