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five years ago today my dad was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer.
i remember the sickening burning in my chest when he told me, and how time simultaneously stopped and sped up, seemingly on warp drive.
i remember fearing we wouldn’t make it 1 year.
i remember the sickening burning in my chest when he told me, and how time simultaneously stopped and sped up, seemingly on warp drive.
i remember fearing we wouldn’t make it 1 year.
the last five years have been a period of chaos and wretched pain.
i’ve since learned that life is fairly meaningless without hope.
my dad taught me that every second of every day matters. gratitude for the moment. for being alive. for each other.
i’ve since learned that life is fairly meaningless without hope.
my dad taught me that every second of every day matters. gratitude for the moment. for being alive. for each other.
i wish i could share a list of things that I’ve learned that have helped me over the last few years. i’m not there yet.
it’s deeply messy and painful. every Christmas I wonder if it’s our last Christmas together. i sing carols more loudly in response, gripping at him tightly.
it’s deeply messy and painful. every Christmas I wonder if it’s our last Christmas together. i sing carols more loudly in response, gripping at him tightly.
time is a funny thing.
i wish i could stow away all the beautiful moments we’ve had together and put them in my pocket, ready to call upon when I need them.
i wish i could recognize those beautiful moments as they unfold, so i can bask in their perfection.
i wish i could stow away all the beautiful moments we’ve had together and put them in my pocket, ready to call upon when I need them.
i wish i could recognize those beautiful moments as they unfold, so i can bask in their perfection.
instead, time is chaotic and jarred. we zip through happy moments and rest prostrate in sad ones. grabbing at time is like grabbing at water, or air.
so i’m learning to be present as much as i can.
whether he has 5 days, 5 months, 5 years, 5 decades. hell, whatever time we all have.
i’m working to treasure the moments as they come and *let go of them when they leave* because that’s life, I guess.
whether he has 5 days, 5 months, 5 years, 5 decades. hell, whatever time we all have.
i’m working to treasure the moments as they come and *let go of them when they leave* because that’s life, I guess.
happy five years, dad. you are the strongest, most brilliant person i know. thank you for being my teacher in all aspects of life. i love you more than the Universe.
