So I've now had hearing aids for six months! Woohoo!!!

One thing that's been really interesting is how my own perceptions of my hearing loss have changed.

When I take my hearing aids off now, I feel like I've clamped pillows over my ears. Everything becomes muffled.

I even perceive it as a pressure change, as if my ear suddenly got blocked up—like I've put something IN my ear instead of taking it OUT.

When I first got them, the experience was more "things sound weird" than "Wow, I can hear everything," because my brain was constantly surprised and still adjusting. Now I take them out and I'm just like "Ugh, my hearing is crap."

But here's the thing!

Before, I didn't know it was crap. I had NO IDEA that I was going around with pillows clamped over my ears. I knew my hearing wasn't great, but I didn't know how much better everyone else had it.

Because my hearing loss happened when I was a baby.

The hearing I had was all I knew.

I had NO IDEA most of you could just...casually listen to someone and understand what they were saying. No processing, no guesswork, no lipreading.

Speech was always a puzzle I had to actively interpret. I figured that was just how it was.

I knew my hearing wasn't great, mind you. Every now and then I brought it up to my doctor, or took an online "do you need hearing aids" test or whatever.

But here's the problem. The questions they ask assume your hearing loss is age-based. That it's changing, getting worse.

My doctor and the questionnaires all asked about how much hearing loss impacted my life in various situations. My answers were all like...not at all! Or maybe a little?

Because what was I supposed to compare it to? My baseline for "life" was "life with crappy hearing."

Now tie that all in with the social worries that come from misunderstanding people and saying the wrong thing ALL THE TIME. It's so easy to gaslight yourself.

"What if my hearing is actually fine and I'm just an asshole?"

No, seriously, I worried about that A LOT.

Age-based hearing loss is really common, and everywhere I went I ran into assumptions that ALL hearing loss is age-based unless you're actually flat-out deaf. I vaguely assumed "I guess I'll get hearing aids when I'm old," and I think a lot of younger people with hearing loss do.

Hearing aids are also just...punitively expensive, and in the US you have to pay for them on your own right now. Which is awful. I'm fortunate enough to have top-notch hearing aids, and I'm very aware that the miraculous improvement I'm experiencing isn't in reach for everyone.

But the change has been SO INCREDIBLE! Now I can casually listen to my family talk while I've got my back turned and the water running, and just...understand them. I can understand people wearing masks. I don't have to devote exhausting amounts of brain power to decoding.

I want this for everyone!

If you're younger with hearing loss, or older with hearing loss for that matter, consider getting your hearing tested! The test itself is often covered by insurance and is actually kinda fun.

Don't feel stigma around hearing aids—they're REALLY COOL.

Mine connect to my phone via bluetooth, and I can get calls on them or listen to audiobooks or whatever. (I joke that I'm getting a telepathic message when a call comes in, since pressing the button on my hearing aids to take the call looks like Telepath Listening Gesture.)

Remember—whether you're hard of hearing yourself or you're a writer writing a HoH character or whatever—that if you've had hearing loss for a while you probably have all kinds of adaptive strategies and can seem to others AND YOURSELF like your hearing is actually not so bad.

My hearing aids have made such an enormous difference in my life already. I'm forever grateful to my dad, who made a pact with me to get them together and gave me them as a gift.

I can't wait to really try them out in public when the pandemic is over!