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THREAD: Last year I helped people heading home who only see EastEnders at Christmas. A lot of us can't be with family this year so why not join me for the greatest TV you will ever see. This thread will help you catch up on Albert Square's shenanigans. https://twitter.com/SoozUK/status/1209199510485901317
We'll start with the big Who Tried To Do Ian In And Why Did It Take So Long? storyline. Ian Beale has been in the show since the beginning and gave 85% of Albert Square residents a motive to kill him this winter. Somebody did a few weeks ago and on Christmas Day we find out who.
Ian bought the Queen Vic pub off Mick and Linda (more on them later) as a gift to Sharon who he's been trying to boff since the 80s. Sharon and Phil are getting divorced and PHIL was trying to buy the Vic when Ian snatched it from 'neath his nose.
Phil and his son Ben were off to do a heist to nick supercars and Ian got wind of it and called the police. Ben's boyfriend Callum is in the police and told Ben Ian did the call. So Ben is out for Ian's blood and there's CCTV of him walking away from the Do Ian In crime scene.
While recovering in hospital (he's now discharged) Ian asked Sharon to marry him and she said yes because "he's my best friend". So they got married there and then. Sharon is Ian's wife now! Think that's weird? Read on!
Back in February Sharon's prick son Denny died when a boat on the Thames sunk. Ian had locked Denny in a room on the boat (coz Denny had been bullying Ian's newly-Muslim son, Bobby) and couldn't get him out. Sharon doesn't know this. OR DOES SHE!???!?!
Did Sharon marry Ian to get the Vic when she manages to successfully Do Ian In? We'll find out around Christmas. Is she in cahoots with Phil? Again, we'll find out around Christmas. Stay tuned.
Oh and Mick's sister Tina is being watched closely by the police coz she attacked Ian on the night he was murdered but slaps only. Could Tina go down for trying to Do Ian In?
Talking of Phil and Ben and commotions...you know who has the CCTV of Ben leaving the Vic the night of Ian's Attempted Do In? It's only bloody Suki Panesar, manager of the Minute Mart and actual Crime Lord. She's a wrong 'un and no mistake.
Suki is blackmailing Ben for thousands to not send his CCTV footage to the police so Phil smashed up her office with a baseball bat AND threatened to hurt her son Jags (who is in prison for something he didn't do but whatever). Also, she might have Done Ian In.
PS Suki son Kheerat is right gerjus. Here he is earlier in the year talking to Chantelle who was the love of his life and she was murdered by her husband Gray earlier this year. SPEAKING OF......!
STOP ASKING ME IF IAN IS DEAD JUST READ THE WHOLE THREAD YOU LAZY BUMS
Right. So Gray was abusing Chantelle for years and just as he was leaving him he killed her and made it look like an accident. Tina and Shirley (previously living at the Vic) have been staying with Gray for a while but Tina has noticed Gray might be a wrong 'un...
She went to Kheerat and said "is Gray a shit-arse then?" and he was like "yeh m8" so something's gonna go down THERE. Someone is supposedly gonna die on Albert Square this Christmas....will Gray kill again?!
Moving on to previous Vic landpeople, it's Mick and Linda. This is some HEAVY SHIT so strap in, OK?
Linda has been sober since early in the year when her alcoholism almost destroyed her marriage AND her life! They sold the Vic and made a fresh start in a flat across the square.
Linda has been sober since early in the year when her alcoholism almost destroyed her marriage AND her life! They sold the Vic and made a fresh start in a flat across the square.
Earlier this year a new character entered the Square, a sassy fun ballsy chick called Frankie. Sassy? Fun? Ballsy? Sounds a lot like Mick Carter. TURNS OUT SHE'S HIS DAUGHTER, she told him and he FREAKED OUT.
Now, Mick's heart has only EVER belonged to Linda. They've been together since they were teenagers and never boffed anyone else! So this makes Mick a liar doesn't it, he cheated on Linda years ago, the jerk. And he's wooby about it.
But then things get a lot darker coz it turns out he'd have fathered Frankie when he was 12. And Frankie's mother was an adult. This is being done BRILLIANTLY btw, Danny Dyer's acting is exceptional, the storyline is sensitively written and kudos to EastEnders.
Some weeks ago Frankie's mother Katy arrived and Mick confronted her about raping him when he was 12 and being brought up in a children's home. She's gaslighting him that that never happened and he's remembered it wrongly. He's spiralling out of control.
Katy's manipulation (possibly to save her own skin) continues and Mick can't tell anyone why he is falling apart. He's completely shut down from Linda and she isn't taking it brilliantly...
She's grown closer to Albert Square's number one marriage destroyer, Max Branning. In the EastEnders universe Max is the second sexiest guy to ever live in Walford (Phil Mitchell is number one).
Max and Linda have real chemistry and even kissed. Linda told Mick who was like "U WOT!?" but he's pushed her away so much after the past few months and his own pain that he's all but accepted Max and Linda as A Thing. HEARTBREAKING!
In the most recent episode Max and Linda finally boffed. Mick let her go, she wanted him to fight for her but HE HAS NO FIGHT LEFT! Genuinely devastating.
On a (vaguely) lighter note, last year the Mitchells tore apart my favourite EastEnders couple: Stacey and Martin! Blackmail, lies, sacrifice...it's led to them being divorced despite clearly still loving each other. And now Martin is married to Stacey ex-bestie, Ruby. FUCK.
Ruby's out for vengeance on Stacey coz Stacey stole some of her money and the vengeance is....a bit much. Martin and Stacey have kids together and I will not give up on them just yet. Explosive Christmas pls.
Finally, this is Denise and she is badass. A few years ago at a low ebb she had a one night stand with Phil (told you it was a low ebb) and got pregnant SHIT. She put the baby up for adoption because she just couldn't give him what he needed at that point.
This year the adoptive parents were killed in a car accident and Denise now has baby Raymond back. She's doing her best but struggling with taking Raymond to his old church BECAUSE she was once married to a pastor who TRIED TO KILL HER! He locked her in a basement for weeks.
Anyway, there's a rumour Lucas is showing up this week and we're all here for you, Sweet Dee.
That's everything I think. But keep an eye out for at LEAST one crane shot this week.
There's that EastEnders all caught up for you for Christmas. If you can't be with family this year I feel ya. Why not give your EastEnders-loving folks a call after the big Christmas Day episode and share your emotions at the explosive action!
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