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I really wish I'd been in a situation where someone could have told me this when I was dissociating as a teenager.
It took years and years to recover and I the few times I tried to talk about it I was treated like such a monster. I thought I would always feel that way. https://twitter.com/ErynnBrook/status/1340705139741618181
It took years and years to recover and I the few times I tried to talk about it I was treated like such a monster. I thought I would always feel that way. https://twitter.com/ErynnBrook/status/1340705139741618181
Nothing felt real. The only emotion I really felt was depression. I couldn't feel things for other people are all.
And it was something I consciously did to myself to manage the pain. I would imagine locking things away under heavy metal doors, like in a bank vault.
And it was something I consciously did to myself to manage the pain. I would imagine locking things away under heavy metal doors, like in a bank vault.
Until I didn't feel anything at all (except depression). It was the only way to endure the bullying at school and the emotional abuse at home.
Sensations were just... sense data, as Russell would say. They told me nothing of the world beyond them. Full blown solipsistic>
Sensations were just... sense data, as Russell would say. They told me nothing of the world beyond them. Full blown solipsistic>
>scepticism. Which isn't to say that I believed I was the only real person, but rather that I recognised I couldn't know. And I might be stuck pantomiming this fantasy for the rest of my life.
I made another conscious decision: to make myself believe, because living in doubt>
I made another conscious decision: to make myself believe, because living in doubt>
>was unendurable. It took years, but slowly I recovered.
It's funny to realise now that I (mostly) don't feel that way anymore. But it's like it's always waiting there in the wings.
It's why I am so honest and open about my emotions now. Because anything remotely like>
It's funny to realise now that I (mostly) don't feel that way anymore. But it's like it's always waiting there in the wings.
It's why I am so honest and open about my emotions now. Because anything remotely like>
> 'setting them aside' or 'not worrying about it if you can't do anything about it' feels too close to that whole battery of coping mechanisms that's labelled 'Here Be Dragons' in my head.
I tried to explain this to a counsellor once and she didn't get it at all.
I tried to explain this to a counsellor once and she didn't get it at all.
>She was a life coach and probably the worst possible match for me, but I was in my third major life crisis and she helped me through that as best she could, so when she suggested I see someone else I simply couldn't cope.
But anyway, her response was, 'But you won't be doing>
But anyway, her response was, 'But you won't be doing>
>that, you'll just be doing this.' Completely failing to understand that I couldn't do ANYTHING that remotely resembled the coping mechanism that led to my disassociation.
This is why CBT and life coaching is absolutely bloody hopeless, and frequently damaging, if you have>
This is why CBT and life coaching is absolutely bloody hopeless, and frequently damaging, if you have>
>anything beyond the mildest issues.
It's so dismissive, damaging, and simply not helpful to tell someone wit deep-seated psychological scars to 'just do' anything.
I wouldn't have needed help if I only had to 'just do' something.
It's so dismissive, damaging, and simply not helpful to tell someone wit deep-seated psychological scars to 'just do' anything.
I wouldn't have needed help if I only had to 'just do' something.
I can make myself do a whole hell of a lot if I set my mind to it - it's what makes some people think I am confident when haha I am this whole mess - so if I admit to you that I can't do something, I *really* cannot do it. I have already tried multiple times and looked at it>
>from a myriad points of view.
People who try to practice CBT on me don't get that. People who've tried to force me to keep going (whether at work or in my studies) *really* didn't get that. If I come to you asking for specific accommodations you can know for sure I didn't make>
People who try to practice CBT on me don't get that. People who've tried to force me to keep going (whether at work or in my studies) *really* didn't get that. If I come to you asking for specific accommodations you can know for sure I didn't make>
>that request lightly.
Anyway. This is a whole sidebar.
Point is: disassociation is a thing and it doesn't need to be as big and scary as it was for me.
Hearing it described as a normal response to stress is so reassuring.
Anyway. This is a whole sidebar.
Point is: disassociation is a thing and it doesn't need to be as big and scary as it was for me.
Hearing it described as a normal response to stress is so reassuring.
