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Emotional constipation is that feeling when you know so many wonderful people in ur life and you just wanna tell everybody how much they mean to you but don’t wanna come off as clingy or creepy and it just leaves you in this never ending cycle of not contacting them and its pain
Remember to check up on your mutuals people, whether online or real life, you never know when a friendly checkup can make someone’s day better
FYI this thread of tweets coming from a super hella messed up sleep cycle combined with 4 shots of double espresso shouldn’t really reflect too well on mental well being (I fking hope) but it’s definitely a nice distraction that I need at work
Man holy hell does it feel weird to be wanting to talk out loud but having to project thoughts and feelings digitally into the void of social media, but it does remind me of an old tradition I had to organize thoughts called the “THE SCRIBE OF THOUGHTS AND TRUTHS” so here it is
Feel obligated to tell followers who follow solely for them rts to mute this thread cuz it’s prolly gonna be long and ramble-y as I go down this rabbit hole of typing the first thing that comes to my mind in this journey of lack of a better term DEEP THOUGHT REALIZATION
Starting off damn this coffee be really be kicking systems into freaking overtime, eyes blown wide open as the slight caffeine sweats be wracking the nerves a new one, maybe next time two double espressos is not a healthy amount of coffee to be injesting after like 5 hours of 
Man the weather be absolutely FREEZING, for the first time in a long time I get to see my breath as I exhale and it’s feels nostalgic as hell, last time I could remember was prolly back during high school days back when we had to wear the uniform sweaters that were way too thick
Man I’ve deleted like 3 different tweets, starting to think that maybe this was not the right direction to type moving forward, so might as well make it a bit more light hearted, hope everybody is having a nice day and today, start of the week over here so make it count people
Not much left of 2020, to think that like 6 months of this damn year was spent with a mix of quarantine holidays and weird combination of both doom scrolling and trying to reconnect with old friends, but I don’t think it’s going to be long now untill stage 5 starts in Kuwait
I feel bad for all my friends who had like megaplans cancelled on them like continuing their masters or like even moving abroad, the whole situation really goes to you how unpredictable life really is and you really gotta go with the punches that life throws at you and deal
Sustainably is something that honestly drives a lot of my personal fears and worries, man being able to wake up and being able to stand on your own two feet relying on yourself when things get tough is really daunting on ones psyche,
Funnily enough this does tie with the whole going along with life’s punches and wanting to make due with the cards your dealt with, it’s nice to remind yourself that the people you surround yourself friends or familly will be there for you in your darkest days when you need them
I think its very important to do your part to make sure that you leave a positive impact on peoples lives in today’s day and age, your legacy and image lasts with what you leave with the fleeting moments you have with other people around you so might as well make them positive
Listening in to peoples worries and lending a helping hand to those you care for should be normalized way more than it should be, it’s also very important to make sure that your own mental health is kept in check and not to lose yourself in this process of trying to help out
Keeping track of ones mental well-being should not be as hard as I make it out to be honestly.... I just find it weird to be labeling my moods and thoughts into ways that justify my actions, thinking of things that make me happy or sad seems very simple and show most of the time
People can hate the things they love, and at the same time they can love the thing they hate, this well of confusion and skepticism really hammers home human beings mental thought processes go into the very fundamental premise of ones mood on a day to day basis, it’s confusing...
Sometimes thoughts really do have way less meaning than I give them credit, the brain organizes information in the weirdest ways, thoughts that never should see the light of day haunt the recess of the mind reminding you of insecurities or memories of your past present or future
Honestly the more I dig deep into what it means to be myself, the weirder and weirder it gets to start understand my own motivations and goals moving forward, wanting the best for myself unfortunately comes second sometimes because honestly i find it so hard to pinpoint feelings
I dunno for the longest time I found it way easier to understand the worries and problems of others way easier than it was to understand mine, not too sure if this is a strange combination of a hero complex combined with a complete lack of self confidence, but I know i mean well
I know for a fact that this weird ass combination of personality traits has in fact alienated some people Ive met in my life that I really wanted to be close too, and to that end there really is no one to blame but myself for not finding my footing to state true opinions/feelings
I dunno honestly, maybe it’s the fear of finding out of who you are when you are completely unhinged, or the fear of people you’ve grown accustomed to not accepting the deeper more messed up part of your psyche that your also not too keen of confronting that worries me
Or most likely than not all of this is a load of HOT AIR of just trying to understand stuf being a lot more simpler than you paint them to be, whatever it may be Ive had this train of thought more times in my life than I like to admit and you can prolly see why this is annoying
Again it’s honestly strangely comforting to type out a lot of your immediate thoughts because its way easier to let them loose somewhere rather than letting them fester and never see the light of day, but again one should try to make the best with the cards they have Been dealt
But hey taking things one day at a time is the best way to handle alot of what goes on in your life as well as to find the right amount of joy in distracting yourself with the pleasures of the simple things that should matter way more than I personally give them credit for
A warm bed and a roof above your head, coming home to a warm meal and the luxury of time to spend on hobbies really can be taken for granted when you’re not burdened by serious problems and that in itself truly is a blessing in disguise, having nothing to talk actively is peace
Going into a bit of psychology, Maslovs hierarchy of needs goes into what the order of priorities of ones life to be organized, and it’s a good deep dive to reflect which level of the pyramid you can absolutely say you are comfortable with yourself with and what needs work
Understanding the priority of self over others is honestly a no brainer, it’s basic survival instinct to make it in the world and be happy while doing it, but then the direct question becomes where the sense of happiness stems from and how one is able to sustain what keeps them
Honestly that’s when it’s easy to fall into a self depriving cycle of lack of set actualization, not wanting to bother others and at the same time being distracted with the simple pleasures makes it easy to fall into the hardest to answer questions that somebody thinks about
Whether you matter to someone in the world.... whether your words and feelings really do reach the hearts of the people you set out to win over.... whether this constant cycle of catharsis/self-actualization leads to some form of personal growth or new insight to what one wants
People don’t often realize when they change over the years, for better or for worse, it can be as simple as not feeling that same connection with an old friend or not finding that same passion to the things you liked long ago, but accepting those changes is an important part of U
There’s an old Arabic saying that goes something like “you take the blood of the people you surround yourself with on a day to day basis” this is way more literal the more I look back on my journey through life throughout the developmental years of my life.
I say developmental but heck even to this day, i catch myself using new conversational ticks and jokes that I have picked up from people I respected or cared for or even (god this is embarrassing to actively think about) idolized at points in life, taking these pieces with me
It’s only when you amass all those pieces that you have to think about what is good for you and what isn’t, what truly reflects what you really feel and how to display these thoughts in a matter that’s acceptable to the public and again realize that these changed you as a person
Personally the one thing I fear socially is people thinking that im just being fake and not really showing what I really feel in a way to garner attention and I don’t really blame people for thinking that sometimes as personally i do think I do come off as a yes man than I realiz
The most honest I feel I truly am is when I’m honestly Rofling with my friends on the dumbest jokes and the stupidest situations with a lot of my friends no matter how nonsensical or how ridiculous, it’s only thing can I reflect on myself and think that I’m truly happy
A bit darker confession is looking into a mirror a lot of my own physical insecurities are a lot less prominent when im having a good time and it’s only untill I’m by my own do the horrible insecurities start to creep in and I’m back to square one all over again....
That’s why I usually find myself jumping straight into a joke sometimes even when it feels awkward or strange to people who don’t nessecarily know me all that well, in hopes that in some way I can channel my weak points of a personality into something tangible for others to see
I feel like thats enough mind vomiting for one day, sorry for bogging down all of your feeds you guys who do keep track of my twitter for the dank memes, but all in all it was a nice distraction to keep myself awake and focused on something constructive for both myself to follow
Pray that I last the rest of the day awake so I can NOT RESORT TO DOING THIS EVERYDAY TO KEEP MYSELF AWAKE HOLY SHIT NEVER AGAIN
And thus concludes the deep descent of the scribes of thoughts truths, gonna go home and play video games or something I dunno
