That whole editor "this email came late and upset me" thread has touched a nerve. So many people were agreeing with her, all with the *same tone* which amounts to "Omg the horror." "What were they thinking?" "Don't they understand there's etiquette??"

Here's the thing: I'm from a trashy family in Florida. First in my family to ever graduate college. I've spent my WHOLE LIFE feeling like there are all these unspoken rules everybody else in the room knows but I don't because *insert: poor/ state school/ uneducated family*

I've figured out ways around it, mostly by keeping my mouth shut and listening very carefully until I've gleaned those unspoken rules from context clues.

But none of that exists online. And if you switch to a new job (as I did when I started writing) there are a whole new set of rules to learn.

All that is to say...all the "don't they *know*" takes, and all the "but there are unspoken rules" and "there's a certain understanding about this relationship"....it's all privileged gate-keeping.

We already know publishing is super privileged. All these necessary unpaid internships that require you to live in NYC for a year...I couldn't have done that at 20. So would I have not learned "the rules"?

"Rules" and "etiquette" equal privilege. Privilege to go to the right schools, to make the right contacts, to work the right jobs, where you can learn the rules and the etiquette.

Maybe before getting so bent out of shape that someone violated these unspoken, unwritten "rules", maybe, to use a cliche, check your privilege.

If publishing is serious about tearing down the walls to accessibility, then I don't ever want to hear a goddamned word about "how it's done." Because it costs (money/ time/ access) to learn those lessons and not everybody has it.

And just to show you that I didn't go to the "right" schools or come from the "right" background, I had to google how to spell privilege and etiquette multiple times just to type out this thread.