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Our inability to empathize is going to kill us.
Or maybe more specifically, our ability to only empathize at a shallow level makes us more dangerous to each other than a complete inability to empathize at all.
Or maybe more specifically, our ability to only empathize at a shallow level makes us more dangerous to each other than a complete inability to empathize at all.
Let me define “shallow” in 2 different (but related) ways. One kind of shallow empathy is a self-centered one. We have all heard the idea of “putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes.” This might be a good place to start, but it ONLY a place to start.
If I stop there, I am not really empathizing well. The question isn’t how I would think, feel, and act if I had a similar experience as another person. That is keeping me at the center.
My imagination retains my own background, personality, value system, education, and experiences. A much better question is how I would think, feel, and act if I were *that person* with *their* background, personality, value system, education, and experiences.
The other kind of shallow empathy is a kind that is only cognitive. It is a mental understanding of what another person is experiencing, but it keeps that person at an emotional arm’s length away. This kind of empathy is also self-centered because it is self-protective.
Without an emotional response, this empathy can be used to manipulate or take advantage over the other person. If I know what makes you tick, but I am not emotionally moved by what makes you tick, I can use that knowledge against you.
Too abstract?
When helping a traumatized person, don’t ask how you would think, feel, or act when faced with intrusive memories and a shattered sense of self. Ask yourself what it would be like to be that traumatized person.
When helping a traumatized person, don’t ask how you would think, feel, or act when faced with intrusive memories and a shattered sense of self. Ask yourself what it would be like to be that traumatized person.
When conversing with a marginalized person, don’t ask how you would think, feel, or act when faced with indifference or or discrimination or oppression. Ask yourself what it would be like to be that marginalized person.
This kind of empathy is difficult. It is painful and it takes hard work.
And the problem is that too many of our leaders are too lazy and/or too interested in keeping themselves at the center of the universe.
And the problem is that too many of our leaders are too lazy and/or too interested in keeping themselves at the center of the universe.
