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coming to the realization that people who have hurt me always had the ability and brain power to choose to not do that. they chose to do what came easy to them, instead of putting in the work to do better. so how much could they have loved me really? words are nothing.
unwilling ≠ unable
this is the problem with abuse and it’s many forms. we make excuses for their lack of follow through. we coddle, we chalk it up to their past and assume they simply cannot do better because they don’t know better. that’s a toxic cycle to find yourself in.
this is the problem with abuse and it’s many forms. we make excuses for their lack of follow through. we coddle, we chalk it up to their past and assume they simply cannot do better because they don’t know better. that’s a toxic cycle to find yourself in.
newsflash you’ve been through a rough past too. does it give you the right to go around treating people poorly? no. have you done everything in your power to better your communication skills? they should & CAN too. they just have chose not to because they are unwilling atm.
why are they unwilling?
maybe they’re content. this way of life has been working for them. maybe no one has sat them down and showed them the error of their ways. maybe not enough people have given them consequences for their poor actions. the list goes on really.
maybe they’re content. this way of life has been working for them. maybe no one has sat them down and showed them the error of their ways. maybe not enough people have given them consequences for their poor actions. the list goes on really.
all i know is, most of us are victims of something. it doesn’t give us any right to treat other people badly. if you feel guilty when you set a boundary with this person that has hurt you multiple times, that’s a red flag in itself. you feel bad for them after they’ve hurt you?
could it be your tendency to put others before yourself? maybe. but it also makes me ask, what narrative have they told you & what narrative do you believe about them that makes you view them as this fragile child who should not be held accountable for their numerous violations?
they are not a child. they are an adult who makes a choice everyday just like you. so let that sink in while you set that boundary today. hold it firmly. as you can see, their behavior keeps repeating. why? they believe they own you. they don’t think you have it in you to leave.
abuse is a strong and extreme word and not always the most applicable but either way, this free PDF on different types of abuse is a great read. https://sa1s3.patientpop.com/assets/docs/85477.pdf
here is a link for a domestic violence and intimate partner violence hotline. if you are questioning unhealthy aspects of your relationship, they will listen without judgment and help you think https://victimconnect.org/resources/national-hotlines/
