This is a great TikTok that is going viral again and to best understand it, it helps to know the Karpman drama triangle from psychotherapy. It explains a lot of why families are dysfunctional and it applies to a lot of relationships.

https://www.susannejegge.com/en/2019/05/29/drama-triangle-part-2/ https://twitter.com/playboijanie/status/1340111521842679815

If psychology and mental health education were standard in schools starting in middle school, we could probably raise awareness and free a lot of people from trauma early. But here we are, using TikToks to teach people why they keep replaying their assigned family roles for life.

You really have a better chance of understanding anyone when you know their family role. (Many millennials are the Victim because Boomer parents tend to be Persecutors, or Rescuers at best).

Running on Empty by Jonice Webb also explains how parenting styles form adult beliefs.

Anyone's issues with their parents are likely to become reflected in their issues with everyone.

If you know anyone who is struggling with self-worth (see the "Fatal Flaw") or self-discipline, that may come from family trauma and parental emotional neglect (gaslighting).

Anyway, parents, like everyone else, were badly educated in mental health and many never even acknowledged their own -- much less those of their kids. There's no blame or judgment. TikToks raise awareness. But learning to process emotions (also in the book) is how to heal that.

Importantly: Knowing this, and knowing why parents perpetuated their own ignorance about mental health, is useful. It gives compassion. But it does NOT mean that you have to accept that treatment anyway. Heal yourself. It makes a difference in how you love and befriend people.

And consider good therapy!

It takes a few tries usually to find a therapist you click with. You can start with Better Help, listings in Psychology Today or friends' referrals.

Choose a therapist who seems like someone you'd feel comfortable confiding in.

Even without therapy, raising your awareness makes a huge difference. Books like "Running on Empty" and "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk discuss how to heal trauma by connecting with your emotions where they live - in your body. Good luck out there.

Also: Teaching you to reparent yourself is big in therapy. It's best done with a guide because trauma is hard and painful to revisit. The way it works is that you visualize the situation in which you felt powerless, then comfort yourself and say what you wish you could have said.

Trauma is not just big things, by the way. Any situation in which we were shut down, silenced, told a (wrong) story about ourselves ("you're a troublemaker," "do you know what you're doing," "I don't have time for your antics") is traumatic. Respect your trauma! It's real to you.

Also: A lot of "imposter syndrome" fears usually come from messages that parents, teachers or caregivers have to you. I know it seems like something new from a new situation! But it's not. If you have these thoughts, those triggers were laid down long ago

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CI9kGE4Dyr7/?igshid=1e9ehs55b40pk