BUT SERIOUSLY, this horrifying story could very well have been me. I'd LIKE to think that the reason I got my account back is because I am stubborn and filed multiple, increasingly-thoroughly-documented tickets with Twitter. But the truth is... https://lithub.com/tfw-your-twitter-account-gets-stolen-and-theres-nothing-you-can-do/
...it's probably because I know enough people in the right places who were willing to pull the right strings to get the right people to pay attention. And that is a horrifying thought. You shouldn't have to be connected in both tech AND government to recover your Twitter account.
Based on my experience (account probably hacked via connection to a derelict and poorly-secured Foursquare account) @tbridge777 did a good thread on securing your Twitter account here: https://twitter.com/tbridge777/status/1340041583958224897
I've had this account (and this handle!) for 13 years; there were years of my online trail connected to it. I should definitely have been more proactive about cleaning those up. Learn from my near-calamity!