When my mother was getting married to my old man, she had one demand: She would not marry/live with an alcoholic man. She was saved. So they married, & 3 weeks into the marriage my old man went to a busaa (local brew) joint & drowned a gallon. Came home staggering drunk... https://twitter.com/XivTroy/status/1339847538573254657

My mother welcomed him. Fed him. Put him in bed. Packed her bags. Left for her father's home very early in the morning. She was not going to live with an alcoholic man. That was that! When my old man awoke, his wife was nowhere to be found...

He searched here, searched there. My mother had left. My old man decided he was going to marry another woman. He went looking but all the women he found had faults. Too lazy. Too dirty. My old man was frustrated.

He sent emissaries. He quarreled. He cajoled. My mother's mind was made up. It had been a month. Her father had already enrolled her in a teacher's college. She was not going to live with an alcoholic man. My grandfather - my father's father - supported her. She was a good woman.

He finally gathered courage. Went to my mother's home. 1st thing my grandpa (maternal) said was that his daughter was not an orphan. That she was a young beautiful woman with a whole life ahead of her. And if she didn't want a drinking man, she was going to get just that.

My father had to part with one more cow and 5 goats. As I speak, from the day I was born to date, I have never seen my old man near alcohol. They grew together from being rice farmers to being university dons. Mom a librarian. Lesson. People give you what you are willing to take.

Nobody will give you more than you are willing to take. If I give you less than you deserve, and you stay for it, you deserve exactly that. If you deserved better, you would get better. I am exactly what you deserve. You don't choose what you meet, but you choose what to keep.

No woman can give me any less than I deserve. I have spent very sad nights alone over a woman's betrayal. But I knew I wasn't going to take her back no matter how much it hurt. I knew that I could not control what she did, but I had the power of response. I finally overcame her.

That is why I am not afraid to treat my partner right. Because I take no crumbs from partners either. I will bleed, I will mourn, I will bawl, I will even convulse, but I will get over you. That is my power. That is why no woman can treat me like a pauper. You do you, I'll do me.

That was the point of the thread. That if you are receiving less than you feel you are giving, man or woman, it is not your job to try to change the other party, it is your job to find better. You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself.

If you are okay with crumbs, and there is no threat of repercussions, crumbs are what you'll get: Man or woman, no one has your welfare in mind better than you do. If I am toxic, it is not an accident. It is not cowardice. I do it because I can get away with it.

I'll teach my son/daughter. That it is not your job to rescue people from foolishness. Especially, when you are giving your best. You must let them go. One's destiny was not tied to the other. They will change when there is something valuable enough to fear losing. You're not it.