pro-hero: dynamight being transferred to america to help stop the climbing crime rates, but that also means being alone for the holidays. no friends. no family. just him in a country he knows nothing about.

but just a month before christmas, he saves a little boy. an orphan.

the child has big chocolate eyes and shaggy black hair, little freckles stippled across his rosy cheeks.

katsuki’s never been a family man, never thought of himself as someone who would want kids and a spouse, but it’s christmas now; he’s alone with his jack and the television.

for a second, he fears this is what his life is going to come to when all of his friends eventually settle down with someone and start to have kids. he’ll be the odd one out.

so, in a crisis of sorts, he takes the boy in his arms and holds him until his social worker arrives.

when she comes, he asks if it’s possible—if he’s even allowed—to care for him, to watch over him in case another villain tries to use him for his quirk. a power that allows him to make any surface permeable, perfect for villains trying to get into places they shouldn’t be.

to his surprise, she says that he’s perfectly eligible. his finances are in order, the background check comes back clean, drug tests are passed, and he’s a hero, so there’s no reason to suspect he can’t take care of him.

in just one short week, the boy, ren, is in his home.

he’s quiet, shy, and throws just a little bit of attitude his way when he tries to act like a parent towards him, but katsuki’s determined not to fuck this up for both of their sakes.

his hero schedule gets adjusted, pushed back later so he can take ren to school every morning.

and he finds a way to stop by his new school every day to pick him up and walk him to the lobby of his apartment building, whether it’s mid-patrol or taking lunch.

there’s break for christmas, so he doesn’t have to do it long, just a week.

one day, he even brings him to work.

ren wanted to dress up as him, and he’s running around his office while making explosion noises.

everyone at work called him crazy, but katsuki’s never smiled more since he was in japan and getting goodbye hugs from his idiot friends at the beginning of the year.

and he’s never felt more at peace than when they’re up at midnight decorating an overpriced christmas tree that he had to drive five hours to get with tinsel, ribbon, and ornaments.

one ornament is laminated green paper that has a scribbled orange stick figure with spiky hair.

apparently ren made that for him. the teacher said to draw your favorite christmas event, and the first thing the boy thought of was him.

yeah, katsuki almost cried while hanging it up on the tree.

and, like his father used to do to him, he lifted him up to top the tree.

they went shopping on his days off, picking out things to decorate his home with and buy some co-workers for the agency game of secret santa.

ren says he doesn’t want anything, but he stares extra hard at hero action figures and posters while walking around, video games too.

apparently they’re too expensive, too nice, and ‘kids like him’ don’t get to have cool things like that.

which katsuki thinks is bullshit.

on top of donating as many toys as he can, he also put those particular ones on hold until he can come by the store without ren to see.

katsuki buys them all while on patrol, hides them in his car and wraps them in his office so ren doesn’t get to see them.

and once or twice ren made him walk away while he grabbed something to buy with his allowance money, saying it’s for a classmate when school starts.

they hide their gifts in their closets, and while the other is asleep, they sneak out to put them all underneath the tree.

maybe katsuki went overboard because he doesn’t even realize ren put his gifts under the tree after. they’re hidden.

(they even eat santa’s cookies too.)

and when christmas day comes, katsuki’s never been more excited for the holiday since he was a kid. since he was jumping on his parents’ bed and screaming at them to wake up.

“katsuki! katsuki! it’s christmas!” ren cried while pushing and pulling his shoulder. “get up! get up!”

scooping him up, he made them both cups of hot chocolate, and they sat by the tree.

to his surprise, he gets two bags.

“did you lie to me at the store, ren?”

“santa brought those for you, dummy.” the boy shrugged, and katsuki nodded.

“open it up, pop.” he encouraged him.

wrapping paper goes everywhere, and just looking at an action figure box makes him start to bawl on the spot.

“oh come on, crybaby,” he laughed, pulling him close. “what did santa get you, kid?”

“i-it’s a-an action figure.”

“santa must have known you never shut up about her.”

the tear just keep coming and coming, and katsuki smiled when he was given the world’s tightest hug. his heart full and cheeks cramping from smiling.

“what’cha hugging me for? santa did it. thank him.”

once all the gifts are open, all that’s left is katsuki and his bags.

the first one is a mug designed after his hero costume, and he kissed the kids head before immediately transferring what was left of his chocolate into it.

“you gotta clean it!”

“i wiped it off with my shirt, it’s fine.” he decided before taking a drink. “it tastes better now.”

the second gift makes him groan, but tears pricked in the corner of his eyes.

“fuckin’ deku...” he mumbled while looking at the collectible pop figure of his childhood friend.

“my teacher said he’s the number one hero in japan... and you’re from japan...” ren reasoned.

“gotta give me a figure of my rival, huh?”

“i-i thought you might miss home... and your friends... it was the last one, so i had to spend the last of my allowance getting it for you.”

katsuki’s thumb ran over the box, and he sniffled.

“yeah, i do miss home...” he admitted.

“do you like it?”

“i love it.” he nodded, and katsuki rested his chin on top of his forehead. “even if it’s deku, it came from you, so i love it.”

“when are you going back, katsuki?”

he hasn’t thought about that, about when he’ll have to leave america to go back to japan.

really, it’s whenever the american hero commission deems his job is done, and since he’s been here, crime has gone down little by little, which might actually be soon.

but he doesn’t want to think about leaving, about giving up the memories they’ve made in this apartment.

“don’t know, kid.” he said, and ren held up his video game console.

“will i get to go with you when you leave?”

“how does this work.” katsuki changed the subject while holding up the game. “let’s hook it up on the big screen and see what games you got.”

that seems to work.

immediately, ren’s very, very carefully opening the box and pulling the console pieces out, and katsuki’s opening his video game cases.

“i bet i can beat you, old man.” he challenged.

“oh? then bring it, kid. i’ve been playing games since before you were even born.” he scoffed.

every passing day after fills him with anxiety that he’s going to go to the agency, be given a plane ticket back to japan, and told that he’s not needed here anymore.

at first, that’s all he wanted, but now he’s needed here.

ren needs him to take him to school in the morning.

and he needs him to pick him up because kids at school like to bully him for not having a mom or dad.

and he needs him to get his favorite bag of spicy chips from the top shelf of the grocery store because he’s too short to reach.

katsuki’s needed here, but japan needs him too.

his parents, his friends, the people he vowed to save, he can’t just keep his back to them either.

they text him on new years when the first falls for them, praying that he comes back soon. that they don’t have to spend another year without him around because they miss him.

and on new years here, he’s cooking soba and other dishes that he usually would have eaten with his family for him and ren with a heavy heart.

soba reminds him of shouto. mochi cakes remind him of ochako.

but the wonder and awe in ren’s eyes are what sticks with him most.

sharing this moment with him, it suddenly makes a lot of sense why his mother was so adamant on keeping him in the kitchen while she cooked.

they share the meals together on his balcony because he took the day off, opting to spend the very first day of the year with just them.

ren’s never had mochi before, but he seems to love it the second he takes a bite, eyes shutting in bliss as he chews.

and he’s never held a sparkler before, but he waves it around while katsuki creates his own little sparks in his fist.

“i’m like you now.” he pointed at him.

and before katsuki could stop himself, he’s blurting out, “do you want to stay with me, pop?”

“like... forever?” came his quiet voice.

“yeah, forever.”

the sparkler is thrown on the floor, stomped out by a sneaker, and little arms are wrapping around his neck in seconds.

“please.” ren sniffled, and katsuki held the back of his head while taking a deep breath. “i want to stay with you.”

“hey, i promise i’m not going anywhere without you.”

“hero’s word?” he asked, holding his pinky out for him, and katsuki nodded.

“hero’s word.” he swore.

that next day, he contacts his case worker, asks if adoption is on the table so he doesn’t have to leave him here when the time comes for him to go back to japan.

she says they’ll talk in person as soon as possible, and he hates the tone of her voice. solemn. apologetic.

it only raises his anxiety the next few days when he takes ren to his agency and lets him sit in his office with his games and bag as he does office work.

it’s safest there, and this way he’s surrounded by heroes who can watch him and play with him while he has to go on patrol.

part of him is scared he’ll find services at his door asking for ren because they found somewhere better for him. a home rather than a penthouse. a father rather than a hero.

or that they’ll come to his job, take him from his arms, and everyone will be there to see it happen.

but that weekend, he gets in touch with his case worker, and she’s telling him that it’s in his best interest not to adopt him.

apparently a sister of his mother is still around, and legally, they’re next in line to take custody of him before he can.

it’s all bullshit to him.

and of course, he lets her know how unfair it is that there’s family ren could be with, yet he came into his life with nothing but a garbage bag that had three shirts, two pairs of pants, a sweater, and a blanket inside.

she just tells him that it’s probably better this way.

he was perfectly capable of caring for him while living here, but taking him to another country? immersing him in a culture he doesn’t understand, a language he can’t speak, and an environment completely differently from what he knows?

apparently it’s not what’s best for him.

apparently they haven’t been together long enough to have that deep of a bond, and an aunt the kid has never once spoken about will be a better suited guardian for him.

but she thanks him for what he did any ways, and says she’s grateful for what he has done for ren so far.

“i’ve never seen him so happy. i know he’ll always have you in his heart for taking care of him.”

katsuki wants to argue that if he’s happy, if everything’s going good, then why can’t he just fucking adopt him, but decides against it since his hostility could backfire on him.

instead, he thanked her for her time and then walked away, trying his bed not to slam her office door while making his way back to ren, who was sitting in a waiting room with an action figure.

“who’s that?” some other kid asked.

“this’ a japanese hero, his name is deku!”

“a japanese hero? like dynamight?”

“yeah! they’re friends! isn’t that cool? they’re number one and two!”

“i have this one; her name is starlight. she’s—“

“the number three hero here! i know! i have that one too. she’s my favorite.”

“right? i wanna be just like her!”

“hey, ren?” he called, and ren looked up. “time to go.”

“oh, alright.” he nodded before taking the girl’s hand. “bye!”

“see you!”

they made their way out, and he waited for him to put his toys back into his backpack before crossing the street.

“katsuki, you look angry...”

“‘m fine.” he lied, and a little hand filled his as he tipped his hat lower and pushed his sunglasses up higher to keep his identity hidden.

“are we going home? ooh, katsuki, can we watch the cartoon i told you about? please?”

“i have work.” he lied again.

“oh, okay then...”

once home, he disappeared to his room, and ren sat in the living room with his video games, not bothering him.

he doesn’t leave his desk until dinner time, where katsuki’s trying not to let his tears splash into the hot oil because ren keeps talking about ‘when i go to japan...’

how is he supposed to tell him that he can’t go to japan with him? that he can’t meet deku and explain to him that he should be number two?

how is he supposed to tell him that they can’t be a family and that his promise means nothing?

he can’t, so he doesn’t say anything.

they go about their days as usual, but katsuki’s trying to put distance between them subtly. instead of holding him, he just stands by his side, and instead of calling him ‘pop’ or ‘bub’, he sticks with ‘kid’.

ren doesn’t seem to notice the change, which is good for them.

but things get more difficult when ren starts telling people that he’s going to go with him over seas and his teacher begins asking why.

the boy doesn’t understand why he can’t tell people when it’s ‘going to happen eventually’, and katsuki can’t bring himself to be honest.

maybe he’s just playing with his heart, giving him false hope, but he doesn’t want to ruin a good thing.

even if the guilt is eating him alive as each day passes, if it leaves him only cooking dinner for one and being unable to focus at work, he keeps his mouth sealed shut.

katsuki’s not sure how long he can keep him in his life, but he tries to make the most while simultaneously coming to terms with letting him go.

it’s hard to go each morning sharing coffee and hot chocolate and watch him mimic his movements with a taunting smile, but he manages.

and it’s difficult to come by his school when he gets out and not yell at the faculty’s face for letting kids blatantly make fun of him, but he never steps foot in the office.

that doesn’t stop him from glaring at the parents of the pointing and snickering kids though.

they make it until february, ren’s birthday is on the twenty-eighth, but he’s getting pulled into the top office of the agency for a chat on the fifth.

he knows what it’s about the second his eyes rake across the name on his phone, and he can feel his stomach plummeting.

sure enough, his job is done, and they’ve arranged a one way ticket flight back to his hometown for him. first class and without any stops for that sunday, the soonest they can get.

“we can handle the rest from here thanks to you. we’re in your debt, dynamight.”

he’s sick.

he’s crying in thr bathroom while looking at the plane ticket, torn between missing his bed back home and wanting to stay so he can milk his time being a father.

yeah, he’s attached, in love with the kid enough to fantasize about showing him around japan and his hometown.

his father would love him, and his mother has always wanted him to have kids, so she’d adore him too.

but they won’t get to meet him, and now he has to tell ren that he’s leaving without him, right before his birthday too, the one he was so excited about not spending alone.

it takes twenty minutes to dry his eyes, let the redness go away, and hide the rest of his pain underneath his strict hero persona.

ren tries to take his hand when he bounces out of a chair at the sight of him, but he stuffed it in his pocket before he could.

“c’mon...”

unbothered, the boy just grabs his arm as they cross the street towards the car, babbling over his conversation with a side kick.

“they said the entrance exams to the hero course here isn’t too hard, that i could do it. so i’m gonna study real hard so i can be a hero too.”

katsuki swallowed.

“were your exams hard? i bet they weren’t. you’re so strong; were you strong when you were my age too?”

“let’s just get in the car, okay? we gotta talk.”

“wait, before i do, i wanna give you something.” ren paused before digging into his school bag.

“i traded an ultra rare hero card with someone, and he gave me this!”

he held it up, and katsuki smiled as one of his best friends stared back at him.

“it’s a japanese hero from an international pack! he said his name is... um... i-i can’t really read it...” he mumbled.

“but i think he said his name was red... something. it’s red something! i was going to search it online, but i wanted to show you now because he looks like the guy in your pictures.”

katsuki took the card as he smiled softly.

“you miss them, so i thought i’d trade for it.”

“your ultra rare card, huh? for an s-rank red riot...” he murmured.

“it’s for you. i have you, deku, and red riot now. i’m gonna trade more so hopefully i can get others! i wonder how many hero friends you have.”

“you don’t gotta do that, kid.” he handed the card back to him.

“it’s okay. i don’t mind, but i hope you’re not mad that i traded the cards you got me!”

“just get in the car, okay? we can talk when we get back to the apartment.”

ren got into the back seat, and katsuki took a deep breath before sitting behind the wheel.

“hey, katsuki?”

“yeah?”

“for my birthday, can we make mochi again? the one with the... the um... the red stuff. it’s sticky and i think you said it was a bean. i don’t usually like beans, but these ones were yummy.”

he sighed.

“yeah, we can make mochi again.” he nodded. “sure.”

the rest of the car ride is silent, nothing but the clicking of his video game buttons and the squeak of his breaks that he has been putting off.

he doesn’t actually drive them to the apartment like he said, but to the store, where he’s grabbing adzuki beans and the sweet rice.

“what... today? we’re making some today?” ren gasped. “thank you!”

then they get home, and he’s not even changing out of his hero suit, not wanting to waste a second.

all he does is slip his gloves off and toss his mask aside before getting to work in measuring the rice.

“what did you want to talk about?”

“we’ll save it for when they’re done.” he decided, and ren nodded while bouncing up and down by the kitchen sink, watching him. “why don’t you tell me about class?”

“it was so boring, but we were practicing our multiplication today.”

he goes on and on about the times table and how he shared some of tamagoyaki—katsuki can’t help but feel proud when he says it without stuttering—with his friend.

katsuki listens to every word, clings to his story about a food fight and how he successfully did a cartwheel.

“what did you do at work?”

he’s reminded of the conversation, of the envelope sitting in his pocket that he should be packing for.

in fact, he should start closing all of his accounts here and getting in touch with ren’s case worker.

but instead he’s here... making mochi...

starch dusting his hands as he shows him how not to get the sticky substance all over the place...

“did you eat some of the beans?” he narrowed his eyes at him instead, and ren just giggled, flattening his ball out. “i saw you.”

“nope...” he shook his head. “you saw nothing.”

“i saw you stick your grubby little finger in the bowl.”

“you’re crazy, old man.”

katsuki just brushed his starch covered finger on to ren’s nose, watching as he recoiled away and began to complain.

when he used his hand to wipe it off, he only made more of a mess.

“dad!”

he froze, both hands cupping a ball of mochi as ren used his uniform shirt to wipe his face.

“you’re so annoying!”

“what’d you call me?” he asked, and the boy only glared up at him before patting potato starch on to his palms.

“get down here! c’mon! come down here!”

when he didn’t bent over, he began smacking the powder on to his hero suit and arms.

“fight me like a man.”

katsuki bent over, letting him weakly smack his hand against his cheek just to soothe the pout on his lips.

“you called me dad.” he accused.

“did not. check your ears.”

katsuki, unable to help himself, kissed the side of his head before nodding to the tray of mochi.

“if you don’t start rolling, you’re not eating any.”

“no fair, i’m helping make these!” he huffed before washing his hands again. “i’m eating them all and you can’t stop me!”

“if you eat too much mochi, you’ll become one.” he warned, but ren just raised one they already made to his mouth. “if you take a bite out of that, we’re fighting, kid.”

he bit into it, giggling before taking off running as katsuki followed him.

“alright, i fuckin’ warned you!”

when they stopped chasing each other around the apartment, katsuki forced him to continue helping, smacking his hand whenever he tried to steal another.

once finished, they sat at the table with a plate.

he’s never been much of a sweets man, but they taste better like this.

they’re both covered in potato starch, the kitchen’s a sticky mess, and it’s not the same as the ones back home, but damn if it wasn’t the best mochi he has ever had.

“i know you made this one because there’s too much anko.” he said, and ren just hummed.

“never too much.”

katsuki glanced at him as he set the ball down.

“hey, kid?”

“mhm?” he looked up at him, still chewing on the treat.

“look... i said we had to talk earlier...”

“oh, yeah! about what?” he beamed.

shit.

katsuki didn’t know what he was supposed to breath the news with...

instead of speaking, he reached into his pocket and grasped the envelope.

when he pulled it out, ren furrowed his eyebrows before tilting his head in confusion.

“what’s that?”

“it’s a plane ticket.” he answered, and his dark eyes widened.

“to japan?”

“to take me home, yeah.”

he jumped up out of his seat, but katsuki reached for his arm before shaking his head softly.

“why do you look so sad?” ren asked. “don’t we want to go to your home?”

“that’s the thing, bud.” he said. “i can’t take you with me.”

“sure you can. i’ll be extra good, i promise!”

katsuki’s thumb rubbed against his wrist.

“i know you would be, and i-i wish that i could, but i mean it. i’m not allowed to take you with me.” he tried to explain without making it too complicated for him to understand.

“wh... what?” he whispered. “but you said...”

katsuki cringed, regret and guilt pooling in his stomach as he heard his mochi thump against the floor. his favorite dessert that they spent hours on now nothing more than a mess on the floor.

“y-you said you’d... you’d take me.” ren stammered quietly.

“i shouldn’t have.”

he couldn’t look him in the eye, but katsuki could hear him getting choked up as his confusion slowly melted away into anger and hurt.

“you said we could go look at-at your hero agency and you’d let me meet deku—you said you’d take me with you!” he began to raise his voice.

“i want to, ren, but i can’t do it.”

“you promised me! you gave me your hero’s word!” he yelled, and katsuki looked down at the table. “you... you said we’d stay t-together... but you lied...”

“it’s not my fault—“

“it is your fault! it’s all your fault! you lied to me!”

katsuki grabbed his wrist tighter before he could run away.

“let me explain, ren—“

“no! i don’t care!” he sobbed, pulling on his hand. “let go of me! you’re hurting me and a hero’s not supposed to hurt anyone! you’re not a hero!”

“ren, your caseworker told me that i can’t—“

“i don’t care! you’re a liar, and i hate you!”

katsuki let go of his hand, meeting his harsh glare.

“i hate you.” he repeated, bottom lip wobbling and cheeks glistening with an endless stream of tears. “i wish you never saved me.”

“ren...”

“i wish you never brought me here!”

katsuki’s never known what heartbreak was until now as he watches him turn on his heels and run into his room. the door slammed shut immediately.

“i wish you’d stay in japan forever so i never have to see you again!” he screamed, and katsuki sucked in a deep breath.

he’s sorry.

it probably doesn’t count for much when promises mean everything, especially to a child who has lived through millions of broken promises, but he’s sorry.

there’s nothing he wants more than to sit him on a first class flight and make good on everything he ever swore to.

but maybe it is what’s best for him, as his case worker insisted.

maybe ren shouldn’t have to move with him when he’s so happy at here with his friend at school. when this is what he knows and loves.

katsuki held his head as he cried quietly to himself, his chest aching.

maybe he should have just gotten a pet dog or cat when he felt alone, not an entire kid that he was going to get attached to but couldn’t take custody of.

that’s his fault.

the kid’s right. all of this is his fault, and it was always going to end like this, with him leaving.

the rest of the day is quiet. ren doesn’t leave his room, not even for his favorite dinner.

he doesn’t come out for his favorite video games either, the one he left out here.

katsuki almost wants to rip his plane ticket up and say he’s not leaving just to see if he’d open up.

if they both can’t go then no one is.

but that’s just crazy talk. he couldn’t support them both here. it’s too hard to start an agency from scratch, to handle two branches in different countries.

instead he just takes his suitcases and begins to pack... but it’s not his stuff.

he puts ren’s games inside of them, puts his mochi in a plastic container and his favorite bento box beside it, the dark blue one that was his favorite color.

he sets his backpack on the couch, tucks away his hero trading cards into a safe pouch where they can’t get destroyed.

eventually, ren has to use the bathroom, and when he does, he places both suitcases inside of his room.

“when am i leaving?” he asked quietly.

“i’m calling her tomorrow. i need to be out by sunday afternoon.”

all ren puts away is whatever he had on his very first day here.

“pop, this is all yours.” katsuki grabbed the clothes he bought him. his uniforms, jackets, shoes, everything.

“no, it’s yours.”

“don’t be stubborn. i bought them for you.”

“i don’t want anything from you.”

katsuki shoved it all in the suitcase anyways.

“you’re taking it.”

he neatly folded away his shirts as ren kept his back to him.

“i’m not letting you go anywhere with a fucking garbage bag again, ren. take your things. you deserve them.” he sighed while zipping up a small compartment. “give me your action figures.”

slowly, he’s handed one.

then another. and another.

they packed his things away, and when everything but one outfit for tomorrow was gone, katsuki wheeled them into the living room.

his bedroom door is slammed shut again, and katsuki stood outside.

“this is our last night together...” he reminded him.

“do you really want to spend it like this?”

there’s no answer, and he just nodded before going into his room and falling into his bed, silent tears dripping from the corners of his eyes.

he’s not sobbing, but his throat feels hoarse and his nose is stuffy as he lies there.

his phone is going off beside him, and he knows it’s probably deku, who has most likely been made aware of his return. most heroes close to his agency would be made aware, their schedules shifting to make room for him.

he’s just not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.

but he does take a second to look at his lockscreen, which is a photo of him and ren from new years eve, confetti from a party popper messy in one another’s hair and faces rosy from the cold.

when his screen goes dark, he stared at himself and sniffled, already missing that.

morning comes too fast, and he made their morning coffee and hot chocolate, but ren didn’t come out.

katsuki then explained that he needs to go out to buy himself suitcases and deactivate his accounts, but he just stood by his door and glared.

“i want to leave now.”

“n-now?”

he had hoped that maybe they could spend the day together, that he could promise to come visit whenever he can.

maybe he could buy him and his caseworker a paid trip to japan during summer break just so they can do what he promised.

but no.

“i want to go now, katsuki.”

right.

ren hates him. he never wants to see him again.

he doesn’t get to make anymore promises to him because he broke his last, and he doesn’t get to spend more time with him because he doesn’t deserve it.

“fine.” he swallowed thickly. “whatever you want, bud...”

it doesn’t take long for her to come, to knock on his door and smile sadly at him.

“i wish you a safe flight, mr. bakugou. please take care, and thank you so much for all you’ve done.”

“just...”

he can’t stop the tears as he held on to her arm more firmly than he meant to.

“don’t let him go somewhere where villains can touch him.” he begged. “i won’t be here to save him like last time.”

“he’ll be safe.”

“and-and this is his favorite lunch box.” he handed her a blue bento box. “he really likes the color blue, and the characters that are on it.”

“right.”

“and please, for the love of god, don’t let him go anywhere with a trash bag. i gave him suitcases filled with all of his things, so if he has t-to move between homes ever again, let him keep the damn things.”

she nodded as he turned around at the sound of footsteps.

“is that everything, ren?” he asked, and he ignored his eyes. “you have all your games and clothes? even the one sock that never seems to have a pair?”

he nodded, and katsuki wiped his eyes.

“don’t you want to say goodbye to mr. bakugou?”

chocolate eyes lifted upwards.

the rims have grown red, and a layer of gloss glistened over them making his cold stare hurt even more.

“goodbye, mr. bakugou.” he mumbled before turning his back to him completely. “thanks for nothing... like everyone else.”

o-oh...

it’s not even ‘katsuki’ anymore.

“you’re allowed to contact him.” his caseworker offered kindly. “we find that it’s always a good idea for people with positive influences in a child’s life to not be completely removed. albeit hostile now, i know ren was happy hete.”

he doesn’t want to hear it.

it’s not fair.

“if i’m so good then why can’t i fucking have custody over him?”

“that’s just not on the table. i’m sorry.” she apologized, and he covered his mouth to muffle his sob.

“but please don’t hesitate to reach out. he doesn’t have a phone, but i’ll relay any message you may have.”

“get him a phone and give him my number.” he demanded weakly, and she said that she’d consider the possibility.

“i’m sure he’d love to keep in touch.”

“and if something happens,” he rushed, “can i... no, i want to know. please. i want to know if anything major happens.”

“he can tell you that when he decides to contact you.”

they left, and he followed them to the lobby, watching as ren’s suitcases were packed into a truck.

more tears brimming his eyes when their car took off, and he rubbed his fist against the back of his eye while hiccuping.

no matter how hard he tries, he can’t remember how the rest of the day goes. he’s driving, but he’s not present. he’s eating, but he’s not enjoying it. he’s there, but he’s also far away.

the apartment is quiet and empty when he comes back, as well as cleaned spotless.

there’s no mess of games by the television, no homework sprawled across the table.

he doesn’t hear any, ‘katsuki, if i clean my room, can we watch cartoons all day,’ or ‘katsuki, can i play games on your computer?’

there’s just silence, again, and he hates it. loathes it.

he doesn’t get to eat dinner because he can’t bring himself to cook without ren, and he doesn’t get to sleep much because he’s too busy tossing and turning, unable to get, ‘i hate you’ and ‘i never want to see you again’ out of his head and his dreams.

so he stays up.

he drinks his coffee and waits for his flight home, checking his phone every ten minutes just to see if it’s time yet (totally not because he wants to look at his lockscreen again).

there’s not a single text messages from anyone he wants to talk to, so he swiped them all away.

when the sun begins to rise, he’s on his god-know’s-cup of coffee, and his hand is shaking from either the cold or the caffeine. he’s not sure.

but he has his plane ticket, his belongings, and a deku pop figure stashed away in his jacket.

just having it makes him want to cry.

it reminds him of baking too many sugar cookies and picking up gift wrap for ten entire minutes. of video games until midnight and having to stay completely still because of the body using him as a pillow.

he’s crying before he even knows it, he’s squeezing it in his fist.

the collectible’s one of the few things that keeps him sane during his long flight once he’s buckled in.

part of him wants to imagine what it’d be like if ren was here, if he’d talk the entire trip about everything he was excited to see or if he’d just sleep most of it off.

would he have fought to take the window seat from him, or prefer to sit away from the reminder that he’s thousands of feet inside of the air?

it’ll always be a mystery.

closing his eyes, katsuki leaned his head against the window and then sniffled.

“fuck...” he whispered.

“what am i doing?”

maybe he should have stayed. maybe he should have fought harder and offered to go to court, to prove that he deserves custody.

‘i wish you’d stay in japan so i never have to see you again.’

‘i hate you.’

‘you’re not a hero.’

katsuki shook his head.

“but he called me dad.” he reminded himself quietly, eyes shut as he thought about his loud laughter. “he was angry. he... he doesn’t understand.”

that’s what he’s telling himself as he holds the pop figure to his chest and leans back for the rest of his eleven hour flight.

before he knows it, his plane is touching down, and he’s waking up to a flight attendant gently shaking his shoulder.

someone’s standing at the terminal with his hero name written across it, and he wheeled his suitcases over.

“you look terrible, dynamight.”

“shut the fuck up.”

after that, the rest of their time together is spent in silence, and he’s turning his phone on to look at all of the messages flooding in.

still, the one person he wants to talk to isn’t there, so he swiped them all away before slipping his phone into his back pocket.

the car ride is awkward, and the receptionist holds her tongue when she sees him walk in.

somehow he thought he’d be happier to be back home, but everything feels like a nuisance as he unlocked the door to his apartment.

when the lights flicker on, he’s bombarded with shouting.