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I’m not a textbook demi. I’m not a stereotypical ace. I’ve had about 15 sexual partners; I’ve been in threesomes and I’ve tried to have casual sex (though i didn’t really get it). I do enjoy sex itself - when I have sexual attraction, which is rare. Happened about 6 times. Ever.
I’ve thought about writing more about this but - my point is I do feel alienated at times since every ace experience I read & hear about is someone who never had any interest in sex, or who had it once or twice but felt confused AF. And... my experience isn’t that.
Often I wonder if I’m “ace enough”. Tonight @bobbins_h was kind enough to point out to me that no one can know my experiences but me. & gray ace, demisexual, ace - these are me. I have had sexual partners that I felt neutral towards and that I enjoyed sex with. No one else is me.
Queer imposter syndrome is weird. There’s no manual. There’s no one way to be queer. There are as many ways as there are queer people. Often I wish my experience was the stereotype for aces, but it’s just not. But they’re still my ace experiences. I’m still me.
I’m still demisexual, even if it took ages to figure out & to come out to myself. I’m still gray ace, even if I’ve had sex with multiple people. I’m still ME. I’m just... not the stereotype I read & hear about. And maybe I’m not the only one.
It’s like - I would never tell someone they’re not a lesbian because they once had a boyfriend. I would never tell a bi person they’re not bi because they haven’t had sex. I would never tell another ace person they’re not ace enough because they’ve had sex.
& Those feelings of insecurity, of “am I queer?” Of “am I ace”? They happen to me too. They happen to everyone. The world isn’t built for us. But we’re here. And queer. And in my case, ace.
Now I’m rereading this and wondering again if I’m ace enough and y’know... I hope I am. I think I am. But then I do feel just... odd. Sometimes. And not in the good way. But I am ace. I know it. But the “am I XYZ enough” is real
