Read on Twitter
Often survivors signal to us indirectly that they are being abused or controlled. In some instances, they are consciously testing the waters by giving hints. In other instances, they are trying to explain or justify their partners’ behavior to themselves and to you. (thread)
It is very important to listen for their “coded” phrases and
learn how to follow up in a useful and supportive way.
Here are some common phrases which may be ‘code’ that your loved one is being abused or coercively controlled:
learn how to follow up in a useful and supportive way.
Here are some common phrases which may be ‘code’ that your loved one is being abused or coercively controlled:
Coded Disclosures:How survivors
tell you without telling you [
• He doesn’t like it when…
• He gets angry a lot...
• He pops off...
• He loses it...
• He likes things a particular way
or else...
• He is in charge of the money
• He watches everything I spend
and do
tell you without telling you [
• He doesn’t like it when…
• He gets angry a lot...
• He pops off...
• He loses it...
• He likes things a particular way
or else...
• He is in charge of the money
• He watches everything I spend
and do
• We aren’t allowed to/ He won’t
let me…
• I often feel crazy when I try to
talk to him about his behaviors
and how they affect me and
the kids
• He has a bad/short temper
• He is controlling
• He doesn’t like it when I do…
• He wants things ‘just so’
let me…
• I often feel crazy when I try to
talk to him about his behaviors
and how they affect me and
the kids
• He has a bad/short temper
• He is controlling
• He doesn’t like it when I do…
• He wants things ‘just so’
• He doesn’t like it when the
children…
• I have to walk on eggshells…
• He is hard on the kids
• He is a rough disciplinarian
• He punishes me with silence
• He hurts me sometimes but
doesn’t mean to...
children…
• I have to walk on eggshells…
• He is hard on the kids
• He is a rough disciplinarian
• He punishes me with silence
• He hurts me sometimes but
doesn’t mean to...
