my first real crush was embarrassing, not bc of who he was as a person, but bc of the way i acted after rejection. I was literally a “nice girl.” i emotionally manipulated his first gf who was my best friend at the time. i forced my emotions on the poor man. it was wretched. https://twitter.com/himbojedi/status/1339704492888100865

i have somehow, by the grace of God, earned the man’s forgiveness after tormenting him for literally 2-3 years. we are even friends. i feel nothing romantic for the guy. but i lost so, so much trying to get someone to notice me.

i pushed aside so many good things and good people that i had as a result of obsessing over someone that i thought “owed” me a chance (he owed me nothing). i often wonder how my life would be different if i had made smarter, less vicious choices in that time.

i often firmly believe that acting in that situation the way i did literally ruined my life. don’t get me wrong, i love where i am now. i love my husband, my friends, my job, my hobbies. but i am dead convinced that i could’ve had those things much sooner had i been smarter.

i would’ve been so much happier in high school. i would’ve had more friends. i wouldn’t have been fighting with my friends all the time. i would’ve been able to mentally and emotionally grow instead of literally waking up every day and choosing to be stunted in that area.

so ladies, if u find urself crushing on a man & he doesn’t feel the same: drop him. please. i’m begging u, do whatever u need to do to get him out of ur head, just to create that space u need to focus on urself. if u aren’t careful u will spiral so fucking fast & ruin ur life.

u are valuable as u are. u are fearfully & wonderfully made. it is not fair to u OR TO HIM for u to waste ur time & demand attention & affection from someone who simply doesn’t want to give it to u. some ppl can come out of it & get back on track, others get stuck in their ways.

please. learn how to walk away. it will save u so much pain. loving urself and being loved by a community that cares about u will feel so much better than begging for love from someone who wants to give that to someone else.