Since traitors are in the news, let’s look at one of our biggies -- no, not Benedict Arnold. (Cmon, he was an amateur by comparison and practically British.) No, this guy EMBODIES what it means to Make America Great Again: grift, treason, cowardice.

Step forward, John B. Floyd.

Don’t know Floyd? Yep, well, that’s cuz we recite the Pledge of Allegiance in school, rather than the CWH List of Traitors (I’ve been told it’s “too long.”) Floyd was an inept Rebel general who, in the run-up to hostilities, was Sec of War.

For the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. #Doh

Floyd was a farmer until his slaves escaped (insert cackle of malicious glee), then, like most guys in the 1800s and everyone on Twitter, became a lawyer. He “opposed secession,” but proposed taxing Northern goods if fugitive slaves weren’t returned. So still an A-No. 1 asshole.

Floyd’s ineptitude appealed to Pres. James Buchanan; my personal theory is that Buchanan took a liking to Floyd cuz Floyd’s middle name was “Buchanan.” As Secretary of War, Floyd oversaw the Utah Expedition -- known to history as “Buchanan’s Blunder,” so ... it went SWIMMINGLY.

Like every true MAGA-head, John Floyd’s real talent was for reaching deep into the public till and, when inevitably getting caught, pleading abject stupidity. He was so bad at being bad that, despite all the embezzlement and kickbacks he was involved with, he left office broke.

For instance, Floyd got his his wife’s nephew a job in the Interior Department, where he stole almost $1 million in bonds from a Native American trust fund (cue The Star-Spangled Banner) and doled it out to -- wait for it -- a bunch of Army contractors! Gosh, can you IMAGINE?!?

But Floyd’s infamy lies in shipping federal guns South on the eve of Civil War. He did it after Harpers Ferry, and again in early 1860, when he used the excuse that outdated guns in Northern arsenals needed to be replaced. (Enjoy your misfiring flintlocks at Shiloh, Johnny Reb.)

And as talk of secession grew more heated in the fall of 1860, Floyd sold 10,000 muskets under the table to South Carolina via a New York bank with Southern sympathies, and also took the lead on Fort Sumter negotiations, overruling Winfield Scott about sending reinforcements.

Then came the coup de grace. On Dec. 20, 1860, Floyd, without cabinet or presidential approval, told the ordnance bureau to ship 124 (!) heavy cannons from the Pittsburgh arsenal to forts in Texas and Mississippi -- which were unfinished, and couldn’t even use the guns yet.

But Floyd hadn’t counted on the Unionists of Pittsburgh, who, when they spilled drunkenly out of Primanti Bros. and heard about their cannons heading South, WERE NOT HAVING IT. (What is it about Pennsylvania that thwarts traitors? Is it something in the water? Let’s bottle it.)

As U.S. Grant put it: “Floyd, the Secretary of War, scattered the army so that much of it could be captured when hostilities should commence, and distributed the cannon and small arms from Northern arsenals throughout the South so as to be on hand when treason wanted them.”

(“So as to be on hand when treason wanted them.” Good phrase, isn’t it? Maybe stick that one in your back pocket for when you’re reading the news.)

Grant, as it turned out, would encounter Floyd during the Civil War -- well, kind of. Floyd, who was nominally in charge of Fort Donelson, ran away before Grant could capture him, sneaking out of the fort on a steamboat with cannons and two infantry regiments for “protection.”

Floyd, who had the unusual distinction of being disgraced in the South AND the North, was indicted for the bond scandal in Washington D.C. but got off on a technicality. Suffering from ill health, he died in 1863, and is buried, appropriately enough, in Sinking Spring Cemetery.

“Gen. Floyd … was no soldier ... his conscience must have troubled him and made him afraid,” Grant wrote. “As Secretary of War, he had taken a solemn oath to maintain the Constitution of the United States and uphold the same against all enemies.

"He had betrayed that trust.”