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Why another tips/tricks #webinar won’t help recover #AcademicParent research productivity.
A *really long* thread.
We’re heading into winter shutdown, but you can bet folks will be gearing up to start next semester w/ plenty of #WorkFromHome /family balance messaging. 1/
A *really long* thread.
We’re heading into winter shutdown, but you can bet folks will be gearing up to start next semester w/ plenty of #WorkFromHome /family balance messaging. 1/
Already had reminders to seek ways to cope & take a #mentalminute.
#Selfcare. #Resilience. Routines. Be creative. #Thrive .
This message is unhelpful. Damaging. It centers all blame & responsibility on individuals (esp. women) w/ huge care burdens rn https://annehelen.substack.com/p/other-countries-have-social-safety
#Selfcare. #Resilience. Routines. Be creative. #Thrive .
This message is unhelpful. Damaging. It centers all blame & responsibility on individuals (esp. women) w/ huge care burdens rn https://annehelen.substack.com/p/other-countries-have-social-safety
If I can’t maintain my #research #Productivity during this #pandemic, it’s my fault (there was a webinar, after all).
The cost of the pandemic to women’s research productivity has been well-documented. 3/ https://theconversation.com/women-are-getting-less-research-done-than-men-during-this-coronavirus-pandemic-138073
The cost of the pandemic to women’s research productivity has been well-documented. 3/ https://theconversation.com/women-are-getting-less-research-done-than-men-during-this-coronavirus-pandemic-138073
Women aren’t publishing. We aren’t writing grants. We are falling behind. #COVID will “undermine the careers of an entire generation of women scholars” https://science.sciencemag.org/content/369/6504/603?rss=1 We are, unsurprisingly, doing just as many MS reviews https://www.insidehighered.com/news/2020/10/20/large-scale-study-backs-other-research-showing-relative-declines-womens-research.
Schedule. Delegate. Dedicate work hour blocks. This doesn’t work. We try to #WFH. We are constantly interrupted.The data collected here are stunning: https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/interruptions-parenting-pandemic-work-home/2020/07/09/599032e6-b4ca-11ea-aca5-ebb63d27e1ff_story.html 5/.
It's worse if managing kids' #virtualschool (positivity rate here is ~33% https://www.bamatracker.com/ [YES, > 6x CDC rec for safety]. #workfamilybalance & #stressmanagement messaging neglects the mental, physical, & emotional space from which we enter any dedicated work hours.
This piece NAILS IT: https://blog.zulily.com/2020/12/17/the-pandemic-parenting-dance-why-parents-are-so-exhausted/ . What a relief to finally have a term capturing the perpetual state in which #pandemicparents live: emotional co-regulation. 7/
Constant balancing act. But not only are we spinning plates, we’re juggling swords, & 2 are on fire & one is wrapped in spikes. This is *especially* true for those of us who’ve been managing #homeschooling since March & will do so again in the spring. It is Every. Single. Day.
But no one is talking about this part.
So I’m going to show you. I documented an 18-hour period last week to give a glimpse of pure #homeschool #PandemicParenting. Pre- #COVID19 , I was at the office, almost daily, 8-5. Now, it’s this, x5:
So I’m going to show you. I documented an 18-hour period last week to give a glimpse of pure #homeschool #PandemicParenting. Pre- #COVID19 , I was at the office, almost daily, 8-5. Now, it’s this, x5:
10:00pm: go to bed; lie awake thinking about all of the stuff
11ish: fall asleep
2ish: wake up to pee b/c due to stress-related accelerated aging I’m now 70yo
4:44am: wake up to cat retching; kick cat off bed; cat pukes on floor
11ish: fall asleep
2ish: wake up to pee b/c due to stress-related accelerated aging I’m now 70yo
4:44am: wake up to cat retching; kick cat off bed; cat pukes on floor
6:25: alarm. Snooze
6:35: alarm. Snooze
6:45: alarm. Drag self out of bed
6:47: clean up cat puke
6:52: stand in shower trying to will self awake
6:55: 8yo comes into bathroom to complain about muscle pains (wtf can I do about this from the shower?) 11/
6:35: alarm. Snooze
6:45: alarm. Drag self out of bed
6:47: clean up cat puke
6:52: stand in shower trying to will self awake
6:55: 8yo comes into bathroom to complain about muscle pains (wtf can I do about this from the shower?) 11/
7:05: 8yo needs ponytail
7:10: dig clothes out of 3 baskets of clean laundry that still need folding. Sigh.
7:15: husband (from bed), “why you so grumpy?” Briefly contemplate stabbing him in the face, realize that would just be another mess to clean.
7:10: dig clothes out of 3 baskets of clean laundry that still need folding. Sigh.
7:15: husband (from bed), “why you so grumpy?” Briefly contemplate stabbing him in the face, realize that would just be another mess to clean.
7:20: make coffee
7:21: clean up 8yo b'fast mess
7:22: what's for dinner? Tacos. Take meat out freezer
7:23: 8yo tries to wake 6yo. Fighting
7:24: pick up socks
7:25: wake up 6yo
7:29: brush 6yo hair. She is chipper w/ questions; “what happens if you put soap in the ocean?” 13/
7:21: clean up 8yo b'fast mess
7:22: what's for dinner? Tacos. Take meat out freezer
7:23: 8yo tries to wake 6yo. Fighting
7:24: pick up socks
7:25: wake up 6yo
7:29: brush 6yo hair. She is chipper w/ questions; “what happens if you put soap in the ocean?” 13/
7:32: great, puke spot didn’t clean; gonna need carpet steamer later
7:35: b'fast for 6yo
7:37: my jaw hurts. Must be clenching again in my sleep. 800mg Aleve
7:55: gather coffee, laptop, go to playroom for school
7:58: log 6yo on Schoology for 8am attendance; agenda—not posted
7:35: b'fast for 6yo
7:37: my jaw hurts. Must be clenching again in my sleep. 800mg Aleve
7:55: gather coffee, laptop, go to playroom for school
7:58: log 6yo on Schoology for 8am attendance; agenda—not posted
8:00: 6yo, “hey mama wanna see [something]
8:01: 6yo, “why you so grouchy?”
8:05: 6yo agenda finally posted; write down on whiteboard
8:12: 6yo, “hey mama, knock knock?” (Banana joke ensues)
8:13: 8yo, “mama get my big math book!” 15/
8:01: 6yo, “why you so grouchy?”
8:05: 6yo agenda finally posted; write down on whiteboard
8:12: 6yo, “hey mama, knock knock?” (Banana joke ensues)
8:13: 8yo, “mama get my big math book!” 15/
8:14: remind 6yo to log on google meet
8:16: coffee; check email
8:32: 6yo, “mama I can’t pin the teacher?!”
8:34: gotta think of 2 weeks worth of meals; need to order groceries
8:36: how many times is too many to serve kids #chicken #Nuggets ?
8:16: coffee; check email
8:32: 6yo, “mama I can’t pin the teacher?!”
8:34: gotta think of 2 weeks worth of meals; need to order groceries
8:36: how many times is too many to serve kids #chicken #Nuggets ?
8:44: 8yo, “mama I need help;” 6yo “how do you spell when”
8:45: 8yo “how do you spell friend?”
8:47: 8yo having tantrum; doesn’t understand math problem
8:48: help 8yo w/ division 17/
8:45: 8yo “how do you spell friend?”
8:47: 8yo having tantrum; doesn’t understand math problem
8:48: help 8yo w/ division 17/
8:50: reserve time slot for morning grocery p/u
8:53: gotta place order in an hour or lose spot
8:54: 8yo “mama come take a picture of my worksheet”; create google drive folder, snap photo
8:59: 8, “do multiplication flash cards with me”
9:01: 6 “mama take a picture of my work”
8:53: gotta place order in an hour or lose spot
8:54: 8yo “mama come take a picture of my worksheet”; create google drive folder, snap photo
8:59: 8, “do multiplication flash cards with me”
9:01: 6 “mama take a picture of my work”
9:06: back to grocery order
9:07: hubs texts with request to mend a seam
9:08: reprimand 8yo for messing w/ 6 during call
9:14: 6yo, “can I have a snack?”
9:15: 6yo, “I really want hummus w/ these pretzels” 19/
9:07: hubs texts with request to mend a seam
9:08: reprimand 8yo for messing w/ 6 during call
9:14: 6yo, “can I have a snack?”
9:15: 6yo, “I really want hummus w/ these pretzels” 19/
9:20: Still working on grocery order
9:29: kids wrestling
9:33: kids fighting
9:39: place order; immediately realize I forgot stuff. Have to add later
9:40: help 6 w/ assignment; she hasn’t learned proper nouns
9:44: help 6 w/ dr/br blends; cut/ match pics (wtf is this one?!)
9:29: kids wrestling
9:33: kids fighting
9:39: place order; immediately realize I forgot stuff. Have to add later
9:40: help 6 w/ assignment; she hasn’t learned proper nouns
9:44: help 6 w/ dr/br blends; cut/ match pics (wtf is this one?!)
9:56: is this green marker on the carpet?! Scrubbing. Swearing. Hope 8’s camera is muted
9:59: remind 6yo to get on call
10:09: check email
10:11: send 1 work email
10:24: 6yo worked ahead of class; finished worksheet; irritated at classmates
10:25: 6yo throws pencil at me 21/
9:59: remind 6yo to get on call
10:09: check email
10:11: send 1 work email
10:24: 6yo worked ahead of class; finished worksheet; irritated at classmates
10:25: 6yo throws pencil at me 21/
10:35: 6 goes to check mail, comes back sobbing b/c no one sent her anything. Tantrum.
10:40: frantic search for 6’s stuffie; pass cat puke carpet stain again. Ugh.
10:58: fetch 6yo for call. Tantrum. Must manage b/c 8yo is taking a test
11:05: 6yo call ends, 10 mins early. cool.
10:40: frantic search for 6’s stuffie; pass cat puke carpet stain again. Ugh.
10:58: fetch 6yo for call. Tantrum. Must manage b/c 8yo is taking a test
11:05: 6yo call ends, 10 mins early. cool.
11:20: trying to edit student rough draft; 8yo finishes test, jabbering incessantly
11:21: 8yo, “I’m hungry can I get lunch?”
11:27: sit at 8s desk to check work; why is it covered in graham cracker crumbs!?
11:33: upload pic of 8yo work; 6yo sound not working. 23/
11:21: 8yo, “I’m hungry can I get lunch?”
11:27: sit at 8s desk to check work; why is it covered in graham cracker crumbs!?
11:33: upload pic of 8yo work; 6yo sound not working. 23/
11:35: upload pic of 6yo work
11:45: student emails; back to rough draft
11:47: 6yo “mama I need help;” explain math problem; 6 gets mad & closes app
11:51: back to rough draft
11:45: student emails; back to rough draft
11:47: 6yo “mama I need help;” explain math problem; 6 gets mad & closes app
11:51: back to rough draft
Noon: 6yo is done w/ schoolwork for the day. Ok...
12:16: kids run in fighting over LEGO
12:20: 6yo asks for new pb&j b/c the one I made in advance is dried out
12:16: kids run in fighting over LEGO
12:20: 6yo asks for new pb&j b/c the one I made in advance is dried out
12:25: hubs, “don’t forget I have a meeting at 4”
12:27: hubs “why are you so grouchy?” Reconsider stabbing thing.
12:28: hey family I’m extra tired today so can we stop commenting on me being grouchy? Family: “no, you’re really grumpy.”
12:27: hubs “why are you so grouchy?” Reconsider stabbing thing.
12:28: hey family I’m extra tired today so can we stop commenting on me being grouchy? Family: “no, you’re really grumpy.”
12:31: 6yo “can I have hummus?”
12:32: why is this table so sticky?
12:40: 6yo can’t find tv remote; tear playroom apart; remote is in couch cushion
12:46: 6yo “hey I really want you to watch this w/ me;” I can’t today kiddo; 6 crestfallen
12:32: why is this table so sticky?
12:40: 6yo can’t find tv remote; tear playroom apart; remote is in couch cushion
12:46: 6yo “hey I really want you to watch this w/ me;” I can’t today kiddo; 6 crestfallen
12:53: finally getting back to my desk; back to student rough draft
12:55: hubs tells 8yo to finish work. “No.”
1:05: hubs in playroom telling 8 to do work.
1:21: text from hub, “did 8 finish work? She says she did.”
12:55: hubs tells 8yo to finish work. “No.”
1:05: hubs in playroom telling 8 to do work.
1:21: text from hub, “did 8 finish work? She says she did.”
1:35: finally finish editing draft; send back to student
1:37: yay! Now I can work on revising that paper
1:39: wait, what paper was that? Good thing I have 2 whole hours to figure out.
1:37: yay! Now I can work on revising that paper
1:39: wait, what paper was that? Good thing I have 2 whole hours to figure out.
I used to think postpartum was the most exhausted I would ever be. Constant waking, feeding, changing, holding, etc. I was wrong, b/c that wasn’t unfolding against the backdrop of a world on fire where folx couldn’t enter your house to help.
I’m like an old smart phone with too many apps running in the background. My battery doesn’t hold a charge anymore. 31/
So what do we do? If this ^^ is you, all you’ve got is crying in the shower & nursing that bag of #Reeses PB cups you have hidden behind the canned tomatoes. I see you.
If you’re not the #defaultparent & can’t fathom that this is happening, it is. Trust me. If you think your help isn’t needed just because you haven’t been asked, you’re missing the point: https://www.scarymommy.com/husbands-not-your-wifes-job-engaged/?utm_source=FB&fbclid=IwAR2CN0yCq_HOX07WPJ4ELAPJyI-h72F-5JDF76fyZER00Gemf1Ypi4fOxyM. 33/
Not only are moms managing the minefield of daily pandemic existence, we are constantly worried about the long-term consequences of this to our kids’ mental/emotional well-being. The stress of isolation is taking its toll. These are kids we’re talking about.
So that translates into lots of acting out, lashing out, & disrupted sleep.
I don’t need another webinar to remind me what a miserable failure I am; my kids do that just fine thx. 35/
I don’t need another webinar to remind me what a miserable failure I am; my kids do that just fine thx. 35/
And if you come at us with any of that “cherish this time they grow up so fast” you can STFU right now. Did your kids grow up during a global pandemic? Were they trapped home for 9+ months? No. See yourself out.
If you’ve had at least 1 two-hour block of uninterrupted, quiet work time in the last 2 days, that’s more than we’ve had. Recognize that. Remember that in your reviews/assessments/evaluations. 37/
Step up. Take those journal review requests. Volunteer for service work. Mentor junior colleagues. Check in on your students so they don’t automatically unload on us b/c they know we’re primed to be on the lookout for ouchies and boo-boos.
Push back on this *with* us. Recognize that #AcademicMamas don’t need another webinar. We need a time machine. If that won’t work, we might settle for a #robotvaccuum. The kind that sweeps & mops. 39/39?
