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why ‘tolerate it’ is about coming out to an unaccepting family: a way too long lyric analysis thread
tw // mentions of homophobia
tw // mentions of homophobia
this song takes place after the narrator (taylor 
) has already come out to the family member, the ‘you’ that is referred to throughout the song
) has already come out to the family member, the ‘you’ that is referred to throughout the song
oftentimes, coming out to an unaccepting family doesn’t always look like verbal disapproval and dissatisfaction
it can be quieter, silent disapproval and ignorance of this part of you. or, toleration of it. they’re tolerating this part, not loving it or accepting it.
disclaimer- i am in no way trying to say that taylor’s parents are homophobic and unaccepting of her! i refer to the narrator as taylor, and the “you” as parents just to make it easier to follow but that does not mean that this is actually about taylor’s coming out experience.
this is an experience that lots of LGBTQ+ youth can relate to, so i believe taylor is writing for them and maybe relating this to something different in her own life. also this is just a theory :)) ok let’s begin
verse 1- this verse sets up how taylor cares about this person and holds a lot of love for them. she focuses on watching them a lot, whether that’s reading, sleeping or just being.
she “notice[s] everything you do or don’t do”. i take this to mean that she is apprehensive around them, always watching and waiting for the disapproval that she knows they’re feeling.
this person is “older and wiser” than she is, so probably a parent that she loves and cares about the opinion of.
chorus- here, she gets into all the love she shows for them. “wait by the door like i’m just a kid” she’s still their daughter, still the same little girl they always loved.
“and watch you tolerate it”. they don’t care how far out of her way she’s going to show her love, because they don’t love her for all that she is.
“if it’s all in my head tell me now, tell me i’ve got it wrong somehow” she doesn’t want to believe her parent has lost love for her, she wants them to tell her they still have that for her
“i know my love should be celebrated but you tolerate it” the love she has for them, and for women, should be something they celebrate and love about her. but again, they just tolerate it.
here is a good time to mention the interview taylor did with elvis duran where she was talking about the worries lgbtq people have about being accepted, and she said the words
“wondering if the people around them are just tolerating the way that they are (...) i celebrate the way that you are” take that as you will
verse 2- more about how she loves this person and all the things she does for them, listening and greeting them with love
“i take your indiscretions all in good fun” she pretends she doesn’t care when they say something hateful, or pretend she isn’t lgbt, or any other micro aggressions that we gays know all too well
chorus again, and then we get into the bridge, which is where is gets more interesting. overall, the bridge is about how she’s begging for the love in return that she gives to them, but they just won’t deliver
“while you were out building other worlds, where was i?” she’s been left behind while the parent move to something or someone better
“where’s that man who’d throw blankets over my barbed wire?” i actually have two idea for this so i’ll share both lol (this is already too long whats another few tweets)
1- this is still talking about the parent who used to tuck her in, soothe her through nightmares and give her love, and how that person is gone now that she’s come out
2- she’s expected to find a man that will cover up her love for women, throw blankets over that part of her that the parents hate so much. both of these could fit so 
she says more about how much love she gave them, and how she gets none of that love in return, begging for just a bit of acceptance from them
“always taking up too much space or time” when you’re not loved, it feels like this, especially if that’s something your parents convey to you with their disapproval.
“break free and leave us ruins, took this dagger in me and removed it” she’s asking what they’d do if she just left all the pain. would they care? the rest of the song repeats lines i’ve analyzed, so thats all from me!! let me know thoughts please (i spent too much time on this)
